Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
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