oh god the rape fog is back!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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