Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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