im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Loading more great texts...