I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
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