And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Send us your Text From Last Night!
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My nipple is on Facebook.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She's JV to your varsity
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
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