He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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