We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
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