I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Send us your Text From Last Night!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
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