You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
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