He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
In America we eat man semen.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
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