ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He had some BAD nuttage
It's like cleavage......... but different
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
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