I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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