Texts From Last Night · JPM's Favorites

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Sorry alvarez_joel hasn't picked any favorites yet.

JPM's Favorites Texts:

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(518): View more from New York

#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE

Fav 15 4370 1243
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.

Fav 37 11181 1819
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.

Fav 21 3547 1123
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(703): View more from Virginia

Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?

Fav 8 1901 899
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(519): View more from Ontario

I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.

Fav 4 1609 1130
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure

Fav 6 3697 957
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?

Fav 8 1659 770
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(906): View more from Michigan

Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking

Fav 5 1298 3086
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