walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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