Tell her she can't have a vagina
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I will die if light touches me.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Where is the hickey?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Loading more great texts...