Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Actions speak louder than pants.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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