you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
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