Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
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