Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you win again, gameday.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
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