I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
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Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
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