apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
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Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
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