I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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