I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Do vagina's smell?
i love accidental penises.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
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