Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
