I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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