Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
