wakey wakey hands off snakey
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My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Don't make out with my wife yet
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
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