Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
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