As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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