Texts From Last Night

bananabear's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins! http://tfl.nu/8m62
  Replies (19) Good night (5471) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic. http://tfl.nu/f4h9
  Replies (22) Good night (5351) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  please don't ever take me to a strip club again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals... (1-217): please don't ever take me to a strip club again... http://tfl.nu/2ds8
  Replies (29) Good night (5581) Bad night (1352)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now. http://tfl.nu/hw0c
  Replies (41) Good night (5624) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is. http://tfl.nu/etmn
  Replies (21) Good night (5452) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.

  (845): View more from New York

  She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?

  (914): View more from New York

  well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener. (845): She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn? (914): well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey http://tfl.nu/elol
  Replies (49) Good night (5710) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them. http://tfl.nu/3lq3
  Replies (16) Good night (5495) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college. http://tfl.nu/l73u
  Replies (15) Good night (5350) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars. http://tfl.nu/h8m5
  Replies (15) Good night (5620) Bad night (387)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now. http://tfl.nu/22x1
  Replies (21) Good night (5435) Bad night (422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed. http://tfl.nu/ikx6
  Replies (21) Good night (5502) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through. http://tfl.nu/kavy
  Replies (24) Good night (5477) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life http://tfl.nu/wcmr
  Replies (11) Good night (5596) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments http://tfl.nu/peng
  Replies (7) Good night (5625) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  you should probably use water

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i dont have any

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water? (1-440): you should probably use water (440): i dont have any http://tfl.nu/eak0
  Replies (32) Good night (5597) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy... http://tfl.nu/yiqn
  Replies (38) Good night (5388) Bad night (1776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  isnt it creepy that our bodies make people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): isnt it creepy that our bodies make people http://tfl.nu/vg9u
  Replies (98) Good night (5680) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. (215): You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds. http://tfl.nu/2p7v
  Replies (38) Good night (5630) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits http://tfl.nu/ppej
  Replies (37) Good night (5539) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever. http://tfl.nu/656k
  Replies (27) Good night (5450) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF? http://tfl.nu/9690
  Replies (21) Good night (5815) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen. http://tfl.nu/y9v8
  Replies (13) Good night (5510) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin. http://tfl.nu/g2gc
  Replies (127) Good night (5537) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high. http://tfl.nu/emp7
  Replies (8) Good night (5684) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler http://tfl.nu/fwfa
  Replies (12) Good night (5480) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her http://tfl.nu/1ar3
  Replies (39) Good night (5509) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk http://tfl.nu/s9es
  Replies (25) Good night (5665) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me http://tfl.nu/9k7n
  Replies (57) Good night (5383) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band. http://tfl.nu/wzbw
  Replies (32) Good night (5637) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together? http://tfl.nu/xjvt
  Replies (38) Good night (5557) Bad night (1333)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up. http://tfl.nu/hjt8
  Replies (27) Good night (5637) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better. http://tfl.nu/vuqb
  Replies (72) Good night (5528) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate. http://tfl.nu/mwsu
  Replies (53) Good night (5611) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry http://tfl.nu/11d0
  Replies (19) Good night (5489) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families (570): That statement alone makes me laugh so hard. http://tfl.nu/jdb3
  Replies (7) Good night (5790) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her. http://tfl.nu/01f3
  Replies (12) Good night (5450) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good. http://tfl.nu/sjs5
  Replies (62) Good night (5749) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there. http://tfl.nu/r47h
  Replies (10) Good night (5512) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night.. http://tfl.nu/r63d
  Replies (19) Good night (5497) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win. http://tfl.nu/f8rt
  Replies (39) Good night (5566) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here http://tfl.nu/0qbu
  Replies (11) Good night (5591) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots. http://tfl.nu/9g8z
  Replies (13) Good night (5985) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  well, dont

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face. (970): well, dont (720): I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it. http://tfl.nu/lbqb
  Replies (32) Good night (5729) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend. http://tfl.nu/849c
  Replies (48) Good night (5498) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Haha. Niice.

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  both.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack. (307): Haha. Niice. (479): Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered. (307): both. http://tfl.nu/wvm3
  Replies (46) Good night (5636) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't remember what your face looks like..

  (727): View more from Florida

  I don't remember your face either, just your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't remember what your face looks like.. (727): I don't remember your face either, just your dick. http://tfl.nu/odit
  Replies (19) Good night (5998) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal" http://tfl.nu/9g1t
  Replies (25) Good night (5598) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later http://tfl.nu/envj
  Replies (9) Good night (5781) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck. http://tfl.nu/lba2
  Replies (16) Good night (6866) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that. http://tfl.nu/zno7
  Replies (16) Good night (5620) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/jw7m
  Replies (26) Good night (5570) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.

  (516): View more from New York

  was the water running?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah but he said he knows how to swim

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower. (516): was the water running? (917): yeah but he said he knows how to swim http://tfl.nu/akph
  Replies (10) Good night (5948) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze. http://tfl.nu/rr46
  Replies (27) Good night (5458) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar. http://tfl.nu/sm5q
  Replies (25) Good night (5600) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sounds like a really classy character....

  (478): View more from Georgia

  He is classy. It was argyle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis (410): Sounds like a really classy character.... (478): He is classy. It was argyle. http://tfl.nu/j1fr
  Replies (17) Good night (6060) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe. http://tfl.nu/4q4f
  Replies (13) Good night (5615) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cherish every text you send me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland (412): I cherish every text you send me http://tfl.nu/05mc
  Replies (49) Good night (5740) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/fedc
  Replies (23) Good night (5677) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i turned job hunting into a drinking game..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i turned job hunting into a drinking game.. http://tfl.nu/xroj
  Replies (20) Good night (5387) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis. http://tfl.nu/lwww
  Replies (57) Good night (5655) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old. http://tfl.nu/3zai
  Replies (16) Good night (5509) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up. http://tfl.nu/mktj
  Replies (19) Good night (5652) Bad night (1937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented. http://tfl.nu/mdbr
  Replies (20) Good night (5525) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed. http://tfl.nu/knrb
  Replies (25) Good night (5459) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete. http://tfl.nu/49zr
  Replies (20) Good night (5609) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days. http://tfl.nu/z4ue
  Replies (56) Good night (5368) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell

  (720): View more from Colorado

  That's the classiest thing you've ever said.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell (720): That's the classiest thing you've ever said. http://tfl.nu/sstw
  Replies (44) Good night (5718) Bad night (1649)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom? http://tfl.nu/rbqh
  Replies (20) Good night (5651) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone http://tfl.nu/bzdp
  Replies (25) Good night (5998) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party http://tfl.nu/wsii
  Replies (30) Good night (5637) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fuck appropriateness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fuck appropriateness. http://tfl.nu/83xq
  Replies (16) Good night (5623) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  People still let you watch their kids?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer. (1-970): People still let you watch their kids? http://tfl.nu/8t1p
  Replies (18) Good night (5704) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"... http://tfl.nu/0of4
  Replies (113) Good night (5683) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/ly75
  Replies (7) Good night (5685) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands. http://tfl.nu/sr1t
  Replies (26) Good night (5665) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :) http://tfl.nu/xxdx
  Replies (15) Good night (5577) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss http://tfl.nu/9lml
  Replies (40) Good night (5501) Bad night (1243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year. http://tfl.nu/y6rv
  Replies (30) Good night (5619) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the snow is so cold on my vagina.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  why do you have snow on your vagina?

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  vodka and heels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): the snow is so cold on my vagina. (405): why do you have snow on your vagina? (580): vodka and heels. http://tfl.nu/uvnf
  Replies (45) Good night (5855) Bad night (1048)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths? http://tfl.nu/djnw
  Replies (15) Good night (5603) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later http://tfl.nu/u7bo
  Replies (24) Good night (5773) Bad night (472)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween. http://tfl.nu/pkl3
  Replies (20) Good night (5586) Bad night (315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out

  (513): View more from Ohio

  so is it as big as he says?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out (513): so is it as big as he says? (216): he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit http://tfl.nu/hksl
  Replies (42) Good night (5746) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): friends don't let friends hook up with gingers. http://tfl.nu/lykv
  Replies (173) Good night (5857) Bad night (2761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again. http://tfl.nu/14ik
  Replies (24) Good night (5454) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far? http://tfl.nu/ph4e
  Replies (59) Good night (5655) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  They have edible shot glasses at target.

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  There really is a God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): They have edible shot glasses at target. (1-812): There really is a God. http://tfl.nu/0gpe
  Replies (24) Good night (5702) Bad night (313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car. http://tfl.nu/95eu
  Replies (27) Good night (5595) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day. http://tfl.nu/d01x
  Replies (16) Good night (5655) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete http://tfl.nu/n4gc
  Replies (36) Good night (5768) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too. http://tfl.nu/myt5
  Replies (55) Good night (5734) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you. http://tfl.nu/te9j
  Replies (22) Good night (5627) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex. http://tfl.nu/u4lo
  Replies (29) Good night (5693) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal" (501): Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him... http://tfl.nu/wsps
  Replies (15) Good night (5732) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up http://tfl.nu/y0oy
  Replies (27) Good night (5640) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss. http://tfl.nu/xujk
  Replies (16) Good night (5539) Bad night (273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day http://tfl.nu/6zjk
  Replies (15) Good night (5487) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving. http://tfl.nu/b59v
  Replies (36) Good night (5601) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding. http://tfl.nu/d3lt
  Replies (25) Good night (5699) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place" http://tfl.nu/mdbw
  Replies (39) Good night (5743) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants http://tfl.nu/u4r0
  Replies (6) Good night (5613) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove. http://tfl.nu/nj9j
  Replies (42) Good night (5464) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (5689) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy http://tfl.nu/57ze
  Replies (17) Good night (5717) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though http://tfl.nu/7ly3
  Replies (18) Good night (5702) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables http://tfl.nu/m9ex
  Replies (27) Good night (5808) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me http://tfl.nu/miwp
  Replies (26) Good night (5796) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (752): View more from California

  i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (752): i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt http://tfl.nu/4czo
  Replies (50) Good night (5692) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever. http://tfl.nu/psk0
  Replies (14) Good night (5698) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed". http://tfl.nu/dmqo
  Replies (16) Good night (6130) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party http://tfl.nu/p535
  Replies (17) Good night (5475) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween http://tfl.nu/oes5
  Replies (26) Good night (5522) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring. http://tfl.nu/hdeg
  Replies (30) Good night (5642) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker. http://tfl.nu/g6g3
  Replies (7) Good night (5698) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker http://tfl.nu/8x3j
  Replies (24) Good night (5754) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need to start having sex underwater more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): We need to start having sex underwater more often. http://tfl.nu/04ms
  Replies (19) Good night (5588) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk. http://tfl.nu/huyr
  Replies (9) Good night (5729) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Don't tempt me, I need beer money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob? (1-306): Don't tempt me, I need beer money. http://tfl.nu/pmfd
  Replies (26) Good night (5675) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town. http://tfl.nu/jjq0
  Replies (82) Good night (5963) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates. http://tfl.nu/jgwf
  Replies (86) Good night (5498) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly. http://tfl.nu/go2x
  Replies (7) Good night (6645) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up... http://tfl.nu/b9ou
  Replies (55) Good night (5786) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick" http://tfl.nu/klf2
  Replies (53) Good night (5868) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me. http://tfl.nu/qxca
  Replies (27) Good night (5753) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character. http://tfl.nu/f69z
  Replies (11) Good night (7222) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm going for alcohol poisoning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight. (417): I'm going for alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/l0is
  Replies (21) Good night (5694) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework http://tfl.nu/56zr
  Replies (30) Good night (5459) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner" http://tfl.nu/hbdd
  Replies (38) Good night (5546) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (5820) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0. http://tfl.nu/gdax
  Replies (34) Good night (5804) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating http://tfl.nu/7lhs
  Replies (24) Good night (5715) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER. (610): When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!" http://tfl.nu/bnpd
  Replies (40) Good night (5797) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us. http://tfl.nu/x7fp
  Replies (13) Good night (5538) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was. http://tfl.nu/57fr
  Replies (27) Good night (5696) Bad night (1343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning http://tfl.nu/4o81
  Replies (14) Good night (5721) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/vvmp
  Replies (21) Good night (5706) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect? (503): Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam? http://tfl.nu/p9dl
  Replies (70) Good night (6030) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  New channing tatum movie.

  (858): View more from California

  I'll bring my vibrator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): New channing tatum movie. (858): I'll bring my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/ing8
  Replies (26) Good night (5958) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task. http://tfl.nu/hv7g
  Replies (29) Good night (5727) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate. http://tfl.nu/t5hj
  Replies (31) Good night (5647) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps. http://tfl.nu/w1cf
  Replies (37) Good night (5710) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree http://tfl.nu/l7gp
  Replies (46) Good night (5617) Bad night (1549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home. http://tfl.nu/0j8i
  Replies (22) Good night (5710) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party http://tfl.nu/osnp
  Replies (23) Good night (6892) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong" http://tfl.nu/catg
  Replies (31) Good night (5643) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  so what did you do?

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg (1-613): so what did you do? (613): I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash! http://tfl.nu/b0di
  Replies (23) Good night (5827) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope. http://tfl.nu/7xzu
  Replies (41) Good night (5642) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex http://tfl.nu/na8l
  Replies (58) Good night (5804) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week. http://tfl.nu/9ao4
  Replies (33) Good night (5650) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had http://tfl.nu/9bpx
  Replies (7) Good night (5687) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together. http://tfl.nu/48v7
  Replies (20) Good night (5580) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note http://tfl.nu/eb9t
  Replies (21) Good night (5469) Bad night (339) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july. http://tfl.nu/a19z
  Replies (20) Good night (5534) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can be that talented

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805 ): Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters (303): I can be that talented http://tfl.nu/rub2
  Replies (35) Good night (5924) Bad night (278)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life??? http://tfl.nu/fjyx
  Replies (14) Good night (5698) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons. http://tfl.nu/pcjk
  Replies (20) Good night (5793) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you. http://tfl.nu/lmfo
  Replies (27) Good night (5943) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I need a leather bustier to keep them in.

  (925): View more from California

  Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I need a leather bustier to keep them in. (925): Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that. http://tfl.nu/8m96
  Replies (26) Good night (5776) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wasn't the only one with a full load.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket... (1-508): He wasn't the only one with a full load. http://tfl.nu/y8kb
  Replies (24) Good night (5903) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming? http://tfl.nu/vu51
  Replies (12) Good night (5638) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos http://tfl.nu/9tfl
  Replies (14) Good night (5671) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart. http://tfl.nu/9vpe
  Replies (50) Good night (5730) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever http://tfl.nu/0zmb
  Replies (19) Good night (5670) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate http://tfl.nu/58hb
  Replies (32) Good night (5733) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed http://tfl.nu/eoyh
  Replies (17) Good night (5514) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling http://tfl.nu/a6db
  Replies (11) Good night (5778) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em. http://tfl.nu/70jy
  Replies (35) Good night (6274) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall? http://tfl.nu/yddz
  Replies (51) Good night (5711) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after. http://tfl.nu/w4bv
  Replies (77) Good night (5569) Bad night (2403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): 2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck. http://tfl.nu/qowh
  Replies (7) Good night (6518) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen. http://tfl.nu/ni4j
  Replies (23) Good night (5621) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
  Replies (55) Good night (6660) Bad night (1323)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'." http://tfl.nu/z1xk
  Replies (21) Good night (5734) Bad night (392)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord" http://tfl.nu/17lg
  Replies (60) Good night (5904) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe. http://tfl.nu/ylh3
  Replies (42) Good night (5659) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?" http://tfl.nu/shhr
  Replies (28) Good night (5917) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination http://tfl.nu/azc2
  Replies (15) Good night (5586) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this... http://tfl.nu/7jfd
  Replies (70) Good night (5902) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money? http://tfl.nu/t6x6
  Replies (18) Good night (5541) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos. http://tfl.nu/5wn3
  Replies (13) Good night (5760) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado. http://tfl.nu/h7dy
  Replies (25) Good night (5864) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac. http://tfl.nu/8ele
  Replies (19) Good night (5680) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again. http://tfl.nu/rkzi
  Replies (27) Good night (5858) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am http://tfl.nu/p2ec
  Replies (12) Good night (5662) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor. http://tfl.nu/1mpx
  Replies (26) Good night (5667) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy. http://tfl.nu/fwj0
  Replies (53) Good night (5884) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral http://tfl.nu/0vqu
  Replies (16) Good night (5634) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work... http://tfl.nu/jjaa
  Replies (30) Good night (5744) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control. http://tfl.nu/aw3o
  Replies (36) Good night (5860) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious http://tfl.nu/ofzu
  Replies (31) Good night (5812) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake http://tfl.nu/xsco
  Replies (49) Good night (5629) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Shut up. I did not.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I really wish I was making that up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras. (1-918): Shut up. I did not. (918): I really wish I was making that up. http://tfl.nu/wbcz
  Replies (35) Good night (6162) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/j0mi
  Replies (13) Good night (5780) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa. http://tfl.nu/lwmw
  Replies (22) Good night (5720) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday http://tfl.nu/tvj7
  Replies (23) Good night (5606) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success. http://tfl.nu/aon2
  Replies (13) Good night (5650) Bad night (271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch. http://tfl.nu/axjt
  Replies (31) Good night (5723) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends" http://tfl.nu/u7q7
  Replies (27) Good night (5826) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation. http://tfl.nu/8430
  Replies (23) Good night (5602) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there. http://tfl.nu/pbyg
  Replies (14) Good night (5795) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/lbmt
  Replies (42) Good night (5977) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life http://tfl.nu/pzmw
  Replies (67) Good night (5595) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows http://tfl.nu/5bqe
  Replies (21) Good night (5699) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address.... http://tfl.nu/ivpp
  Replies (28) Good night (5885) Bad night (1694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork." http://tfl.nu/fte3
  Replies (27) Good night (5780) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love. http://tfl.nu/7dfa
  Replies (15) Good night (6090) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad http://tfl.nu/ofwb
  Replies (40) Good night (5640) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me. http://tfl.nu/kxxf
  Replies (26) Good night (6099) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant http://tfl.nu/765y
  Replies (32) Good night (5772) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it http://tfl.nu/ioqt
  Replies (16) Good night (5663) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay". http://tfl.nu/1f7s
  Replies (31) Good night (5816) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina http://tfl.nu/dtrt
  Replies (29) Good night (5793) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/6ris
  Replies (15) Good night (5777) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy? http://tfl.nu/ky06
  Replies (27) Good night (5768) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again http://tfl.nu/9mpp
  Replies (34) Good night (5959) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world. http://tfl.nu/egr4
  Replies (31) Good night (5812) Bad night (1780)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms. http://tfl.nu/yba6
  Replies (21) Good night (5706) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.

  (406): View more from Montana

  And we all know God doesn't like sinners.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Amen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out. (406): And we all know God doesn't like sinners. (701): Amen. http://tfl.nu/nq0i
  Replies (14) Good night (6125) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high. http://tfl.nu/w9mm
  Replies (28) Good night (5838) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating. http://tfl.nu/1th0
  Replies (23) Good night (5679) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you made cement angels. it was a great sight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you made cement angels. it was a great sight. http://tfl.nu/etc6
  Replies (18) Good night (5639) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero... http://tfl.nu/xsvf
  Replies (17) Good night (5912) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day http://tfl.nu/bp9q
  Replies (36) Good night (5844) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious. http://tfl.nu/99ri
  Replies (47) Good night (5796) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid. http://tfl.nu/ga4m
  Replies (30) Good night (5726) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday http://tfl.nu/xmv6
  Replies (36) Good night (5681) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??

  (817): View more from Texas

  dude, everything can mix, this is college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): does wine, beer, and vodka mix well?? (817): dude, everything can mix, this is college. http://tfl.nu/mqi0
  Replies (24) Good night (5762) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever http://tfl.nu/z6zx
  Replies (18) Good night (5816) Bad night (351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it." http://tfl.nu/fqo2
  Replies (11) Good night (5669) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing. http://tfl.nu/gyso
  Replies (21) Good night (5788) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy. http://tfl.nu/jygh
  Replies (15) Good night (5991) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags. http://tfl.nu/hgni
  Replies (18) Good night (5816) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story. http://tfl.nu/l5v1
  Replies (8) Good night (5909) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation http://tfl.nu/xd2t
  Replies (23) Good night (5706) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol http://tfl.nu/nbdg
  Replies (28) Good night (5659) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped. http://tfl.nu/504u
  Replies (65) Good night (6125) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I see you've learned your lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status... (1-937): I see you've learned your lesson. http://tfl.nu/pjfr
  Replies (12) Good night (6084) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention http://tfl.nu/4fnt
  Replies (26) Good night (5831) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how was last night?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): how was last night? (1-908): i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me. http://tfl.nu/23nl
  Replies (32) Good night (6010) Bad night (2724)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're such a slut.

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I prefer opportunist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): You're such a slut. (318): I prefer opportunist. http://tfl.nu/49c1
  Replies (27) Good night (6114) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket. http://tfl.nu/p1i6
  Replies (29) Good night (6019) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening. http://tfl.nu/kog8
  Replies (18) Good night (5643) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store. http://tfl.nu/vfks
  Replies (20) Good night (5883) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life http://tfl.nu/vlqm
  Replies (48) Good night (5734) Bad night (2170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/3651
  Replies (13) Good night (5984) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever http://tfl.nu/61m6
  Replies (33) Good night (5828) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  then i met college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton (781): then i met college http://tfl.nu/kd7x
  Replies (17) Good night (5898) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one http://tfl.nu/gt0t
  Replies (27) Good night (5884) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller." http://tfl.nu/aw6q
  Replies (19) Good night (5925) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries. http://tfl.nu/yhvv
  Replies (12) Good night (6087) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to http://tfl.nu/6uk1
  Replies (36) Good night (5932) Bad night (1813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  two words: eviction party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): two words: eviction party http://tfl.nu/l75h
  Replies (28) Good night (5863) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes. http://tfl.nu/41f8
  Replies (48) Good night (5754) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good. http://tfl.nu/mw2h
  Replies (26) Good night (5936) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Im watching someone hooking up in the library

  (970): View more from Colorado

  procrastination at its finest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Im watching someone hooking up in the library (970): procrastination at its finest http://tfl.nu/d7sa
  Replies (18) Good night (5829) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision http://tfl.nu/37aw
  Replies (11) Good night (5618) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I don't wanna die...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!! (615): I don't wanna die... http://tfl.nu/h1ht
  Replies (10) Good night (6253) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers. http://tfl.nu/run3
  Replies (19) Good night (5738) Bad night (1516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break http://tfl.nu/7szo
  Replies (16) Good night (5810) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer?? (1-404): no. http://tfl.nu/c4dk
  Replies (21) Good night (5992) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened http://tfl.nu/tpah
  Replies (13) Good night (5899) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart. http://tfl.nu/xj2p
  Replies (39) Good night (5925) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon. http://tfl.nu/n681
  Replies (50) Good night (5791) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): 1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one. http://tfl.nu/vtrz
  Replies (51) Good night (5727) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went. http://tfl.nu/fpvf
  Replies (16) Good night (5859) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt. http://tfl.nu/65bm
  Replies (24) Good night (5870) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience http://tfl.nu/r1dh
  Replies (35) Good night (6100) Bad night (1358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :) http://tfl.nu/3uv4
  Replies (36) Good night (5701) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties. http://tfl.nu/ddyo
  Replies (21) Good night (5909) Bad night (1682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf. http://tfl.nu/6o5h
  Replies (37) Good night (5870) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect. http://tfl.nu/17qr
  Replies (23) Good night (5946) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am." http://tfl.nu/b7uw
  Replies (18) Good night (5885) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something... http://tfl.nu/7h7f
  Replies (21) Good night (6640) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks http://tfl.nu/9z2d
  Replies (20) Good night (5715) Bad night (336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius. http://tfl.nu/w17t
  Replies (20) Good night (5853) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..." http://tfl.nu/pg8j
  Replies (15) Good night (5975) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen http://tfl.nu/pyhr
  Replies (59) Good night (5924) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical. http://tfl.nu/pf93
  Replies (49) Good night (5888) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous

  (269): View more from Michigan

  If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous (269): If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you. http://tfl.nu/8o9h
  Replies (17) Good night (5953) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6
  Replies (15) Good night (6141) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know. http://tfl.nu/n0su
  Replies (40) Good night (5794) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon http://tfl.nu/p3qx
  Replies (44) Good night (5858) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  They should make Jack Daniels chap stick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): They should make Jack Daniels chap stick http://tfl.nu/3f21
  Replies (31) Good night (5839) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different. http://tfl.nu/n2zh
  Replies (38) Good night (5985) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall. http://tfl.nu/weml
  Replies (24) Good night (5706) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I could make treat bags

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson. (785): I could make treat bags http://tfl.nu/dekx
  Replies (104) Good night (5840) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance http://tfl.nu/wpko
  Replies (10) Good night (5947) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum. http://tfl.nu/f301
  Replies (24) Good night (5954) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you. http://tfl.nu/vwt4
  Replies (21) Good night (5887) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars http://tfl.nu/5ijc
  Replies (12) Good night (5896) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA http://tfl.nu/zqva
  Replies (38) Good night (5861) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me... http://tfl.nu/6tu6
  Replies (21) Good night (6064) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream. http://tfl.nu/8fzb
  Replies (5) Good night (5734) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/s1ae
  Replies (40) Good night (5777) Bad night (330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches. http://tfl.nu/cp2j
  Replies (14) Good night (5926) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation. http://tfl.nu/k6x3
  Replies (35) Good night (5863) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero? http://tfl.nu/iroh
  Replies (31) Good night (5834) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet. http://tfl.nu/hq1s
  Replies (19) Good night (5981) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade http://tfl.nu/eefh
  Replies (14) Good night (6042) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER. http://tfl.nu/2z74
  Replies (25) Good night (5937) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  is drinking for groundhog day legit?

  (1-484): View more from Pennsylvania

  well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): is drinking for groundhog day legit? (1-484): well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes http://tfl.nu/k04d
  Replies (24) Good night (5844) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!" http://tfl.nu/9nr0
  Replies (19) Good night (6018) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh (1-219): wow. http://tfl.nu/be02
  Replies (38) Good night (6113) Bad night (2431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet http://tfl.nu/p3em
  Replies (27) Good night (5943) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We should party with her soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death. (715): We should party with her soon http://tfl.nu/q1hq
  Replies (16) Good night (7804) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.

  (619): View more from California

  you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up. (619): you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS http://tfl.nu/a8ci
  Replies (22) Good night (6229) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real http://tfl.nu/fl2e
  Replies (63) Good night (5944) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair http://tfl.nu/0fee
  Replies (16) Good night (5949) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Becoming a productive member of society?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Sam. Come on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? (860): Becoming a productive member of society? (509): Sam. Come on. http://tfl.nu/hrkz
  Replies (38) Good night (6190) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story http://tfl.nu/o2hn
  Replies (12) Good night (5939) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros http://tfl.nu/wzjy
  Replies (24) Good night (5839) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back. http://tfl.nu/3ip5
  Replies (23) Good night (5955) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights". http://tfl.nu/6efw
  Replies (10) Good night (5952) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch. http://tfl.nu/fh6f
  Replies (9) Good night (5953) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell http://tfl.nu/mqh8
  Replies (29) Good night (5938) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/0wzx
  Replies (45) Good night (5940) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though. http://tfl.nu/zzah
  Replies (18) Good night (5922) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet. http://tfl.nu/d9ji
  Replies (18) Good night (5749) Bad night (329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach. http://tfl.nu/7gys
  Replies (15) Good night (6353) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+81): View more from

  I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.

  (+61): View more from Australia

  You're never coming back, are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+81): I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days. (+61): You're never coming back, are you? http://tfl.nu/mhpp
  Replies (62) Good night (6238) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault. http://tfl.nu/lznh
  Replies (111) Good night (6047) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+41): look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent. http://tfl.nu/4y57
  Replies (20) Good night (5981) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace http://tfl.nu/i9ng
  Replies (21) Good night (6043) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"? http://tfl.nu/w79j
  Replies (148) Good night (5746) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world. http://tfl.nu/0fm4
  Replies (9) Good night (6176) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing? http://tfl.nu/c8yk
  Replies (36) Good night (5896) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan http://tfl.nu/otnu
  Replies (44) Good night (6025) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1 http://tfl.nu/y50i
  Replies (17) Good night (6232) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins http://tfl.nu/bn73
  Replies (68) Good night (5776) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  ...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): ...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear... http://tfl.nu/jb6u
  Replies (14) Good night (5814) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  You know how I know you're gay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments (320): You know how I know you're gay? http://tfl.nu/13va
  Replies (36) Good night (6331) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions http://tfl.nu/rpam
  Replies (19) Good night (5904) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch. http://tfl.nu/9ahk
  Replies (81) Good night (5936) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success. http://tfl.nu/8y3e
  Replies (57) Good night (5982) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs http://tfl.nu/ycoz
  Replies (29) Good night (5978) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think. http://tfl.nu/5bqt
  Replies (35) Good night (5991) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault." http://tfl.nu/r5ek
  Replies (13) Good night (6056) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise. http://tfl.nu/s84e
  Replies (7) Good night (6323) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced. http://tfl.nu/yqud
  Replies (14) Good night (5896) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom. http://tfl.nu/7aa5
  Replies (65) Good night (6049) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): we should become lesbians. not together. just in general. http://tfl.nu/a6ds
  Replies (15) Good night (6197) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?

  (941): View more from Florida

  better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Why do guys in porn never have boxers on? (941): better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn http://tfl.nu/0wxg
  Replies (25) Good night (6351) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Good thing spelling doesn't count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test. (319): Good thing spelling doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/8f4i
  Replies (23) Good night (6149) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ya and it worked didnt it??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron.. (614): ya and it worked didnt it?? http://tfl.nu/b3g5
  Replies (27) Good night (6160) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks http://tfl.nu/5yhs
  Replies (25) Good night (5942) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  $1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.

  (212): View more from New York

  Please take video.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): $1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween. (212): Please take video. http://tfl.nu/t1i5
  Replies (13) Good night (6103) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed. http://tfl.nu/cgfh
  Replies (40) Good night (5962) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks http://tfl.nu/nonu
  Replies (20) Good night (6755) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it http://tfl.nu/reim
  Replies (29) Good night (6361) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you. http://tfl.nu/rrga
  Replies (16) Good night (5966) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (682): aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/8wvu
  Replies (29) Good night (5911) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet http://tfl.nu/enn5
  Replies (40) Good night (6053) Bad night (332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (567): View more from Ohio

  we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (567): we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life. http://tfl.nu/qh9b
  Replies (33) Good night (6068) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it. http://tfl.nu/5398
  Replies (19) Good night (6085) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him. http://tfl.nu/jidd
  Replies (27) Good night (6285) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god. http://tfl.nu/qi32
  Replies (5) Good night (6173) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots http://tfl.nu/r6ov
  Replies (98) Good night (6044) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth. http://tfl.nu/x3q1
  Replies (13) Good night (6221) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+26): View more from

  Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+26): Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY http://tfl.nu/9qwj
  Replies (30) Good night (6516) Bad night (1907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight. http://tfl.nu/5wwv
  Replies (46) Good night (6433) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout http://tfl.nu/qm9m
  Replies (11) Good night (5972) Bad night (288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. http://tfl.nu/i519
  Replies (56) Good night (6867) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand. http://tfl.nu/av0q
  Replies (58) Good night (6063) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST (602): I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise! http://tfl.nu/2ck7
  Replies (36) Good night (6487) Bad night (568)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now. http://tfl.nu/38zc
  Replies (18) Good night (6479) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans http://tfl.nu/uc1m
  Replies (12) Good night (6059) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6221) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge? http://tfl.nu/bwm6
  Replies (40) Good night (6339) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status.. http://tfl.nu/z1m2
  Replies (25) Good night (6412) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!" http://tfl.nu/07u8
  Replies (21) Good night (6241) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'. (215): we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/6wc5
  Replies (27) Good night (6243) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college. http://tfl.nu/j0w5
  Replies (58) Good night (5988) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green. http://tfl.nu/6tsm
  Replies (24) Good night (6216) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points http://tfl.nu/hnze
  Replies (18) Good night (6236) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room. http://tfl.nu/qe4u
  Replies (22) Good night (6284) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn http://tfl.nu/666p
  Replies (20) Good night (6285) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes. http://tfl.nu/a8d2
  Replies (13) Good night (6155) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/q5w1
  Replies (60) Good night (6139) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone http://tfl.nu/esjp
  Replies (68) Good night (6130) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"

  (913): View more from Kansas

  did you yell "are you not entertained?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude" (913): did you yell "are you not entertained?" http://tfl.nu/qa0j
  Replies (21) Good night (6497) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Who said I want to share with you?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you. (616): Who said I want to share with you? (269): You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book. http://tfl.nu/trh2
  Replies (40) Good night (6373) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

  (760): View more from California

  When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex" (760): When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely." http://tfl.nu/jlap
  Replies (18) Good night (6422) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them. http://tfl.nu/v4vg
  Replies (22) Good night (6362) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  69 |D_O

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  wtf does that mean??

  (602): View more from Arizona

  it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): 69 |D_O (1-602): wtf does that mean?? (602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently" http://tfl.nu/6ega
  Replies (59) Good night (6812) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this http://tfl.nu/8ri1
  Replies (29) Good night (6171) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future. http://tfl.nu/yuzg
  Replies (19) Good night (6134) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he wasn't. neither were you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss? (1-920): no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom? (920): he wasn't. neither were you. http://tfl.nu/3ltg
  Replies (16) Good night (6494) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history. http://tfl.nu/d9a3
  Replies (20) Good night (6264) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans. http://tfl.nu/yvak
  Replies (48) Good night (6209) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  go home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy (203): go home http://tfl.nu/91uo
  Replies (28) Good night (6556) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time http://tfl.nu/1urp
  Replies (40) Good night (6304) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience http://tfl.nu/wb3q
  Replies (37) Good night (6206) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio. http://tfl.nu/95rn
  Replies (30) Good night (6483) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to. http://tfl.nu/jn1k
  Replies (29) Good night (6123) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe. (440): I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl http://tfl.nu/33bi
  Replies (25) Good night (6282) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love http://tfl.nu/ix9b
  Replies (26) Good night (6117) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job http://tfl.nu/faar
  Replies (24) Good night (6287) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN! http://tfl.nu/er39
  Replies (34) Good night (6350) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!! (1-515): Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states. http://tfl.nu/ptk3
  Replies (53) Good night (6719) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/3m71
  Replies (22) Good night (6247) Bad night (270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life http://tfl.nu/kko9
  Replies (21) Good night (6248) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales? http://tfl.nu/gvx1
  Replies (30) Good night (6314) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW. http://tfl.nu/kof5
  Replies (32) Good night (6316) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high. http://tfl.nu/x6pp
  Replies (16) Good night (6357) Bad night (323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy. http://tfl.nu/vond
  Replies (15) Good night (6132) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream. http://tfl.nu/v6je
  Replies (37) Good night (6460) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning. http://tfl.nu/50tz
  Replies (26) Good night (6307) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/iqfz
  Replies (56) Good night (6278) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down http://tfl.nu/ig2f
  Replies (8) Good night (6295) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat http://tfl.nu/os6y
  Replies (29) Good night (6430) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire. http://tfl.nu/xwgk
  Replies (43) Good night (6407) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/co7z
  Replies (31) Good night (6518) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball... http://tfl.nu/7xuo
  Replies (26) Good night (6430) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it. http://tfl.nu/zncn
  Replies (32) Good night (6394) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drinking in an igloo changes everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Drinking in an igloo changes everything. http://tfl.nu/71hs
  Replies (37) Good night (6323) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk. (206): Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy. http://tfl.nu/ynk1
  Replies (21) Good night (6552) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful http://tfl.nu/3flc
  Replies (30) Good night (6574) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?! http://tfl.nu/r22y
  Replies (51) Good night (6401) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth. http://tfl.nu/mgri
  Replies (5) Good night (6408) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding http://tfl.nu/t8fl
  Replies (44) Good night (6443) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH. http://tfl.nu/dbk1
  Replies (45) Good night (6469) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  she's into porn, im staying here tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): she's into porn, im staying here tonight http://tfl.nu/jlgw
  Replies (31) Good night (6403) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk. http://tfl.nu/yadf
  Replies (16) Good night (6818) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative! http://tfl.nu/b5c4
  Replies (67) Good night (6539) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night. http://tfl.nu/bjzh
  Replies (20) Good night (6472) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon? http://tfl.nu/98up
  Replies (20) Good night (6319) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week http://tfl.nu/5wm5
  Replies (32) Good night (6340) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch. http://tfl.nu/o7me
  Replies (19) Good night (6501) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate. http://tfl.nu/3qld
  Replies (15) Good night (6430) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference http://tfl.nu/k6zm
  Replies (33) Good night (6323) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college. http://tfl.nu/9iax
  Replies (25) Good night (6649) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot. http://tfl.nu/3jpd
  Replies (21) Good night (6589) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Want any specific kind of beer?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Yeah. Alcohol flavor.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got it. Anything but Miller.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Want any specific kind of beer? (623): Yeah. Alcohol flavor. (701): Got it. Anything but Miller. http://tfl.nu/wg65
  Replies (39) Good night (6729) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response. http://tfl.nu/3ka8
  Replies (16) Good night (7131) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart. http://tfl.nu/xlbc
  Replies (37) Good night (6451) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town http://tfl.nu/mvuo
  Replies (39) Good night (6417) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party http://tfl.nu/77aw
  Replies (15) Good night (6441) Bad night (346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid. http://tfl.nu/67sh
  Replies (15) Good night (6354) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense. http://tfl.nu/syxd
  Replies (27) Good night (6597) Bad night (332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud. http://tfl.nu/wi0l
  Replies (18) Good night (6636) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C. http://tfl.nu/06rr
  Replies (23) Good night (6614) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls http://tfl.nu/u8nd
  Replies (96) Good night (6583) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule http://tfl.nu/94hw
  Replies (16) Good night (6530) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers http://tfl.nu/y866
  Replies (51) Good night (6647) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart? http://tfl.nu/3xgk
  Replies (25) Good night (6880) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally. http://tfl.nu/s601
  Replies (19) Good night (6341) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar. http://tfl.nu/wvqn
  Replies (20) Good night (6576) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

  (352): View more from Florida

  I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency. (352): I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/wg41
  Replies (28) Good night (6909) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight. http://tfl.nu/rb6t
  Replies (93) Good night (6533) Bad night (1933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean. http://tfl.nu/trho
  Replies (19) Good night (6622) Bad night (260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right. http://tfl.nu/hrwa
  Replies (70) Good night (6663) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours http://tfl.nu/cvkh
  Replies (23) Good night (6504) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others?? http://tfl.nu/cnvm
  Replies (99) Good night (6611) Bad night (2056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Nevermind, it's not water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle. (907): Nevermind, it's not water. http://tfl.nu/jzsy
  Replies (24) Good night (6740) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying. http://tfl.nu/rpdb
  Replies (32) Good night (6701) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best. http://tfl.nu/5k82
  Replies (25) Good night (6875) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car http://tfl.nu/skxr
  Replies (22) Good night (6739) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact http://tfl.nu/9ru6
  Replies (26) Good night (6481) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart. http://tfl.nu/dd9c
  Replies (21) Good night (6593) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart (508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work http://tfl.nu/sac2
  Replies (15) Good night (6897) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport http://tfl.nu/zg9o
  Replies (20) Good night (6431) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no? http://tfl.nu/lc3u
  Replies (39) Good night (6526) Bad night (327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready. http://tfl.nu/0n0r
  Replies (16) Good night (6675) Bad night (384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again http://tfl.nu/6u76
  Replies (22) Good night (6702) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong. http://tfl.nu/20fz
  Replies (26) Good night (6846) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf http://tfl.nu/c2bo
  Replies (47) Good night (6532) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation http://tfl.nu/w8jm
  Replies (73) Good night (7187) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i just made my gag reflex go away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i just made my gag reflex go away. http://tfl.nu/haya
  Replies (47) Good night (6778) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school http://tfl.nu/domf
  Replies (19) Good night (6673) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Girls should come with a carfax report

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Girls should come with a carfax report http://tfl.nu/ithx
  Replies (55) Good night (6833) Bad night (1410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night. http://tfl.nu/j04h
  Replies (19) Good night (6693) Bad night (314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left. http://tfl.nu/3pzj
  Replies (9) Good night (7139) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....

  (614): View more from Ohio

  We've got ourselves a situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and.... (614): We've got ourselves a situation http://tfl.nu/efwe
  Replies (51) Good night (6794) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Have you seen my high heels that I wore out? (1-812): You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/rqvo
  Replies (15) Good night (6951) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you" http://tfl.nu/44qj
  Replies (14) Good night (6767) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok http://tfl.nu/rrpn
  Replies (37) Good night (6855) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard. http://tfl.nu/6ebl
  Replies (19) Good night (6610) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now. (1-804): I'm on my way. http://tfl.nu/8nvt
  Replies (28) Good night (6789) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation? http://tfl.nu/6nb1
  Replies (16) Good night (6728) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): 1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you http://tfl.nu/har0
  Replies (34) Good night (6770) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister! http://tfl.nu/bmda
  Replies (20) Good night (6617) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers? http://tfl.nu/g3e9
  Replies (44) Good night (6810) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive. http://tfl.nu/qwvv
  Replies (19) Good night (6549) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy http://tfl.nu/vv9t
  Replies (23) Good night (6839) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever (615): She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister http://tfl.nu/5zux
  Replies (86) Good night (7273) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk4i
  Replies (12) Good night (6921) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning. http://tfl.nu/bnwl
  Replies (10) Good night (6640) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I'm banging this nun...

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So I'm banging this nun... (314): Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already... http://tfl.nu/ygf2
  Replies (35) Good night (6895) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter http://tfl.nu/u1op
  Replies (24) Good night (6745) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob (203): For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho http://tfl.nu/1l75
  Replies (37) Good night (7131) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening http://tfl.nu/ihge
  Replies (12) Good night (6762) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.

  (845): View more from New York

  Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell. (845): Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts. http://tfl.nu/04jv
  Replies (18) Good night (6920) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love http://tfl.nu/hgdf
  Replies (85) Good night (6913) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now. http://tfl.nu/4cfq
  Replies (54) Good night (6958) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore. http://tfl.nu/f91d
  Replies (54) Good night (6832) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads. (917): Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful. http://tfl.nu/kyyh
  Replies (22) Good night (6973) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/eja8
  Replies (32) Good night (7025) Bad night (333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (6797) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back http://tfl.nu/zjkd
  Replies (22) Good night (6904) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd

  (1-808): View more from Hawaii

  lock that shit down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd (1-808): lock that shit down http://tfl.nu/r4jz
  Replies (30) Good night (7068) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/zo0y
  Replies (17) Good night (6903) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys. http://tfl.nu/wntn
  Replies (73) Good night (7040) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  This kid is drunk.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): This kid is drunk. (410): I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted. http://tfl.nu/8aqa
  Replies (6) Good night (7469) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance." http://tfl.nu/5agg
  Replies (35) Good night (6827) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from http://tfl.nu/ptif
  Replies (69) Good night (7113) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my vagina's been through so much this weekend

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): my vagina's been through so much this weekend (1-860): you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend? http://tfl.nu/jr6r
  Replies (35) Good night (7198) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him

  (313): View more from Michigan

  at least he gets points for a creative booty call

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him (313): at least he gets points for a creative booty call http://tfl.nu/28qp
  Replies (16) Good night (6940) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this. http://tfl.nu/iqku
  Replies (46) Good night (6728) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back. http://tfl.nu/2rvp
  Replies (23) Good night (6777) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible. http://tfl.nu/a85b
  Replies (7) Good night (7015) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later http://tfl.nu/a02r
  Replies (26) Good night (7226) Bad night (1667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one http://tfl.nu/sg9e
  Replies (18) Good night (7093) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier. http://tfl.nu/ogdc
  Replies (88) Good night (6952) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone http://tfl.nu/wd7b
  Replies (33) Good night (7123) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian. http://tfl.nu/n8zg
  Replies (31) Good night (7099) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened. http://tfl.nu/5zha
  Replies (33) Good night (6888) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Adam has been drinking

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  Who has his phone

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Adam does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Adam has been drinking (1-810): Who has his phone (810): Adam does http://tfl.nu/tl53
  Replies (15) Good night (7206) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry http://tfl.nu/ty7k
  Replies (15) Good night (7469) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite. http://tfl.nu/cdg2
  Replies (49) Good night (6802) Bad night (1381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is' http://tfl.nu/8psl
  Replies (61) Good night (7001) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI. http://tfl.nu/868g
  Replies (27) Good night (6909) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water http://tfl.nu/opqy
  Replies (15) Good night (7099) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I understand Curling. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I understand Curling. That high. http://tfl.nu/c58u
  Replies (39) Good night (6953) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people. http://tfl.nu/d8wc
  Replies (23) Good night (6918) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  You mean inside out.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down. (1-302): You mean inside out. (302): No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist. http://tfl.nu/eio3
  Replies (20) Good night (7082) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense http://tfl.nu/aaqg
  Replies (20) Good night (7603) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever. http://tfl.nu/rwuq
  Replies (38) Good night (6822) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  why is this not a picture message?!?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score! (1-434): why is this not a picture message?!?! http://tfl.nu/992e
  Replies (42) Good night (7132) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college http://tfl.nu/81f5
  Replies (40) Good night (6793) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline? http://tfl.nu/r7ot
  Replies (16) Good night (6885) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash http://tfl.nu/m3vz
  Replies (14) Good night (7177) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7364) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  I've always been the spiritual type.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion. (1-702): I've always been the spiritual type. http://tfl.nu/v0oc
  Replies (27) Good night (7152) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events... http://tfl.nu/y2xk
  Replies (26) Good night (7174) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college http://tfl.nu/4e15
  Replies (17) Good night (7000) Bad night (304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod... http://tfl.nu/hp9q
  Replies (65) Good night (7082) Bad night (1042)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh
  Replies (15) Good night (10184) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms. http://tfl.nu/bpq6
  Replies (35) Good night (7172) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat. http://tfl.nu/eo6a
  Replies (28) Good night (7382) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): 10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza http://tfl.nu/0z5o
  Replies (35) Good night (6985) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college. http://tfl.nu/njr4
  Replies (26) Good night (6870) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house. (1-847): that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect. http://tfl.nu/7r4g
  Replies (25) Good night (7460) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever. http://tfl.nu/xm2c
  Replies (38) Good night (7265) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude, I think my check liver light just came on http://tfl.nu/539i
  Replies (29) Good night (7380) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible. http://tfl.nu/1wu4
  Replies (11) Good night (6754) Bad night (269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy. http://tfl.nu/bldo
  Replies (18) Good night (7266) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so. http://tfl.nu/ifvf
  Replies (42) Good night (7079) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate http://tfl.nu/fqo5
  Replies (32) Good night (7418) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer? (902): the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka. http://tfl.nu/rxlv
  Replies (16) Good night (9685) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life. http://tfl.nu/69tk
  Replies (33) Good night (7017) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila. http://tfl.nu/7qws
  Replies (15) Good night (7214) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness http://tfl.nu/nepk
  Replies (34) Good night (7189) Bad night (287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7197) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense. http://tfl.nu/wj9q
  Replies (23) Good night (7288) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot. http://tfl.nu/qalf
  Replies (15) Good night (7408) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow. http://tfl.nu/e5qu
  Replies (32) Good night (7073) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches... http://tfl.nu/6ywp
  Replies (47) Good night (7681) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on http://tfl.nu/6iv3
  Replies (24) Good night (7137) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada http://tfl.nu/l5wm
  Replies (414) Good night (6878) Bad night (1713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis http://tfl.nu/zgff
  Replies (64) Good night (7476) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw http://tfl.nu/mvua
  Replies (45) Good night (7092) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it. http://tfl.nu/1ysm
  Replies (22) Good night (7109) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality http://tfl.nu/65cw
  Replies (44) Good night (7132) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci
  Replies (27) Good night (7493) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends http://tfl.nu/5yet
  Replies (77) Good night (7154) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you. (1-214): that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary http://tfl.nu/469f
  Replies (36) Good night (7318) Bad night (532)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better. http://tfl.nu/p7cf
  Replies (28) Good night (7514) Bad night (460)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies. http://tfl.nu/6rhb
  Replies (34) Good night (7305) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready. http://tfl.nu/9xou
  Replies (33) Good night (7219) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I really wanna talk..

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I really wanna talk.. (1-817): if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down http://tfl.nu/qj3j
  Replies (82) Good night (7462) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i should start naming my morning wood

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  great idea but wrong number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): i should start naming my morning wood (201): great idea but wrong number http://tfl.nu/1p5a
  Replies (24) Good night (7704) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown (303): I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself. http://tfl.nu/zmkv
  Replies (44) Good night (7913) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
  Replies (33) Good night (10125) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. http://tfl.nu/lted
  Replies (103) Good night (7918) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned? http://tfl.nu/bm6r
  Replies (125) Good night (7306) Bad night (2228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg... http://tfl.nu/gr75
  Replies (33) Good night (7528) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/tn9h
  Replies (18) Good night (7682) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed. http://tfl.nu/54wn
  Replies (61) Good night (7412) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?" http://tfl.nu/j7hy
  Replies (44) Good night (7283) Bad night (4179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation. http://tfl.nu/zdno
  Replies (27) Good night (7478) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  can we take a shower together?

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): can we take a shower together? (901): no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing http://tfl.nu/lc5h
  Replies (54) Good night (7392) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York. http://tfl.nu/ptqc
  Replies (34) Good night (7345) Bad night (399)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food! http://tfl.nu/vzr5
  Replies (26) Good night (7285) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird. http://tfl.nu/49lo
  Replies (19) Good night (7308) Bad night (1760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us! http://tfl.nu/rgw4
  Replies (31) Good night (7667) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong. http://tfl.nu/vlez
  Replies (29) Good night (7311) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I would go down on you faster than GM stock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I would go down on you faster than GM stock http://tfl.nu/ai9f
  Replies (32) Good night (7285) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself

  (707): View more from California

  dude you teach first grade wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself (707): dude you teach first grade wtf http://tfl.nu/gqyp
  Replies (57) Good night (7665) Bad night (1625)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight http://tfl.nu/ncr8
  Replies (79) Good night (7351) Bad night (375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive. http://tfl.nu/qvhh
  Replies (92) Good night (7535) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs

  (314): View more from Missouri

  you don't even go to loyola anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs (314): you don't even go to loyola anymore http://tfl.nu/fisu
  Replies (44) Good night (7445) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas. http://tfl.nu/702a
  Replies (47) Good night (7536) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask. http://tfl.nu/r7za
  Replies (8) Good night (7697) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall http://tfl.nu/fpdq
  Replies (36) Good night (7845) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave http://tfl.nu/loh3
  Replies (26) Good night (7764) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator http://tfl.nu/ic52
  Replies (17) Good night (7253) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame http://tfl.nu/uj51
  Replies (29) Good night (7502) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one. http://tfl.nu/dq1o
  Replies (131) Good night (7469) Bad night (1785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day. http://tfl.nu/8doe
  Replies (17) Good night (7426) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/2zjv
  Replies (37) Good night (7578) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus. http://tfl.nu/t4dv
  Replies (20) Good night (7614) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions... http://tfl.nu/wg6s
  Replies (40) Good night (7704) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic? http://tfl.nu/xncy
  Replies (69) Good night (7600) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk (415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts http://tfl.nu/5sxt
  Replies (49) Good night (7933) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  the ice cream truck is coming omgomg

  (1-650): View more from California

  dude, it's 2 am.

  (650): View more from California

  but its COMING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg (1-650): dude, it's 2 am. (650): but its COMING http://tfl.nu/8z5r
  Replies (62) Good night (7751) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (256) Good night (7844) Bad night (1941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/47y4
  Replies (34) Good night (7521) Bad night (1626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  sarcasm needs its own font

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): sarcasm needs its own font http://tfl.nu/5kc7
  Replies (55) Good night (7905) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  drunk me is so punny.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life. (843): drunk me is so punny. http://tfl.nu/qdzv
  Replies (19) Good night (8183) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  How am I a tease?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.

  (813): View more from Florida

  ONLY PART OF IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): How am I a tease? (1-813): Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away. (813): ONLY PART OF IT. http://tfl.nu/b7xa
  Replies (43) Good night (7882) Bad night (1257)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant??? http://tfl.nu/mp1l
  Replies (53) Good night (7759) Bad night (2013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is. http://tfl.nu/aqok
  Replies (97) Good night (7497) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son. http://tfl.nu/kdpy
  Replies (27) Good night (7741) Bad night (1128)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now http://tfl.nu/q56d
  Replies (59) Good night (7337) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer" http://tfl.nu/i0t9
  Replies (33) Good night (7806) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz http://tfl.nu/ffgi
  Replies (39) Good night (7439) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body. http://tfl.nu/sy4q
  Replies (22) Good night (7577) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes http://tfl.nu/vynn
  Replies (24) Good night (7652) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone. http://tfl.nu/hjip
  Replies (21) Good night (7945) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk
  Replies (35) Good night (8436) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me http://tfl.nu/dmik
  Replies (27) Good night (7545) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be http://tfl.nu/0ihg
  Replies (59) Good night (7745) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we agree. completely

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing (1-301): that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome (301): we agree. completely http://tfl.nu/eynh
  Replies (31) Good night (7905) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lcrv
  Replies (30) Good night (7738) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  it's 1 pm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words. (1-203): it's 1 pm. http://tfl.nu/0ewp
  Replies (29) Good night (8117) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up? (812): You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/331c
  Replies (48) Good night (8352) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here. http://tfl.nu/eefr
  Replies (30) Good night (7711) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets". http://tfl.nu/hqdk
  Replies (15) Good night (8134) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in. http://tfl.nu/ogcc
  Replies (58) Good night (7715) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister. http://tfl.nu/9ks8
  Replies (37) Good night (7817) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street. http://tfl.nu/fk7f
  Replies (35) Good night (8071) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56
  Replies (32) Good night (8129) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo http://tfl.nu/4j6u
  Replies (22) Good night (7739) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done. http://tfl.nu/i81l
  Replies (17) Good night (8191) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  That's why Kanye is a gay fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): That's why Kanye is a gay fish. http://tfl.nu/hy3e
  Replies (102) Good night (7910) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian http://tfl.nu/6wog
  Replies (62) Good night (8069) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible http://tfl.nu/my4k
  Replies (17) Good night (7881) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow. http://tfl.nu/8b4m
  Replies (13) Good night (8202) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically http://tfl.nu/zfwj
  Replies (26) Good night (7870) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8108) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite. http://tfl.nu/yk7i
  Replies (21) Good night (7772) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight. http://tfl.nu/wlf9
  Replies (37) Good night (7611) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away. http://tfl.nu/2pvy
  Replies (31) Good night (8067) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death. http://tfl.nu/3s8a
  Replies (23) Good night (7546) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit http://tfl.nu/qpl1
  Replies (71) Good night (7601) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college. http://tfl.nu/456d
  Replies (47) Good night (8265) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public. http://tfl.nu/0h1o
  Replies (34) Good night (8398) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night. http://tfl.nu/yws8
  Replies (9) Good night (8088) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar. http://tfl.nu/n52w
  Replies (42) Good night (8213) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock" http://tfl.nu/hksp
  Replies (30) Good night (8565) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing? http://tfl.nu/nzdd
  Replies (7) Good night (8166) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus http://tfl.nu/ioq2
  Replies (26) Good night (8019) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic http://tfl.nu/jttf
  Replies (44) Good night (8155) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops. http://tfl.nu/1v8v
  Replies (37) Good night (8339) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her. http://tfl.nu/rtst
  Replies (58) Good night (8064) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying... http://tfl.nu/9slh
  Replies (46) Good night (8350) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (8543) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We call that spaghetti Os

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it (617): We call that spaghetti Os http://tfl.nu/dgrn
  Replies (33) Good night (9506) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed. http://tfl.nu/t3mj
  Replies (22) Good night (8555) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/hust
  Replies (22) Good night (8380) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  May God have mercy on my new vibrator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): May God have mercy on my new vibrator. http://tfl.nu/qino
  Replies (98) Good night (8128) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff. http://tfl.nu/ss2c
  Replies (13) Good night (8782) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack http://tfl.nu/aa3v
  Replies (87) Good night (8503) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever. http://tfl.nu/bza6
  Replies (29) Good night (8534) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high? http://tfl.nu/2d1b
  Replies (38) Good night (8394) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (8935) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/envw
  Replies (55) Good night (8035) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot. http://tfl.nu/sr3w
  Replies (19) Good night (8881) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance. http://tfl.nu/vgvp
  Replies (68) Good night (8539) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox. http://tfl.nu/v0mm
  Replies (45) Good night (8675) Bad night (2407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate (401): Well how do you think I feel (860): fair enough http://tfl.nu/zhgr
  Replies (39) Good night (8911) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer. http://tfl.nu/fm8w
  Replies (64) Good night (8604) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now http://tfl.nu/tgtb
  Replies (27) Good night (8458) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much. http://tfl.nu/wscf
  Replies (21) Good night (8093) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous http://tfl.nu/ntwa
  Replies (17) Good night (8393) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate http://tfl.nu/r0av
  Replies (22) Good night (8553) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear." http://tfl.nu/uaxy
  Replies (19) Good night (8733) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
  Replies (47) Good night (8867) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood http://tfl.nu/j2rr
  Replies (57) Good night (8621) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
  Replies (46) Good night (9445) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  just woke up in my neighbors garage.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): just woke up in my neighbors garage. (931): scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage. http://tfl.nu/x40j
  Replies (21) Good night (8793) Bad night (928)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you. http://tfl.nu/6q4j
  Replies (14) Good night (8783) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Me specifically?

  (903): View more from Texas

  Yep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Today in psych we learned that you are a whore. (1-314): Me specifically? (903): Yep. http://tfl.nu/w818
  Replies (44) Good night (8995) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen. http://tfl.nu/ur6p
  Replies (28) Good night (8364) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (32) Good night (14382) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  If you're joking I'm going to be sad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's. (919): If you're joking I'm going to be sad http://tfl.nu/jh0h
  Replies (39) Good night (8541) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby. http://tfl.nu/udcn
  Replies (51) Good night (8828) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike. http://tfl.nu/fre7
  Replies (47) Good night (8429) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket" http://tfl.nu/imu3
  Replies (13) Good night (8786) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style http://tfl.nu/rcp4
  Replies (103) Good night (8718) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This house was built for laser tag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): This house was built for laser tag. http://tfl.nu/32ag
  Replies (14) Good night (8532) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here? http://tfl.nu/rbfc
  Replies (26) Good night (8536) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting http://tfl.nu/k7m6
  Replies (76) Good night (9042) Bad night (1241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time

  (972): View more from Texas

  i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!" http://tfl.nu/dprb
  Replies (22) Good night (9010) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially. http://tfl.nu/gw0l
  Replies (24) Good night (8617) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what did you do?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i asked her out. that's so hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex. (860): what did you do? (203): i asked her out. that's so hot. http://tfl.nu/dg3d
  Replies (56) Good night (8993) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor. (339): No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though. http://tfl.nu/0uyr
  Replies (34) Good night (9162) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it. http://tfl.nu/q4is
  Replies (32) Good night (8973) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36
  Replies (31) Good night (9248) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  nevermind....I'm on the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high (808): worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave (814): nevermind....I'm on the way http://tfl.nu/dzeu
  Replies (70) Good night (9593) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it

  (917): View more from New York City

  the suitcase or the dildo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it (917): the suitcase or the dildo? http://tfl.nu/j1en
  Replies (39) Good night (9551) Bad night (1178)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends. (1-630): if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs... http://tfl.nu/id4n
  Replies (51) Good night (9803) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Who won?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  All of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away. (504): Who won? (225): All of them. http://tfl.nu/xlra
  Replies (81) Good night (8932) Bad night (1370)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra http://tfl.nu/y9he
  Replies (62) Good night (9116) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon. http://tfl.nu/inm7
  Replies (41) Good night (8882) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? http://tfl.nu/fgrz
  Replies (59) Good night (9075) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd. http://tfl.nu/5f3i
  Replies (64) Good night (8444) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca
  Replies (29) Good night (9175) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you come get me at the bar

  (301): View more from Maryland

  ill be there in 10 min

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  can we stop off at build a bear on the way home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): can you come get me at the bar (301): ill be there in 10 min (570): can we stop off at build a bear on the way home http://tfl.nu/der9
  Replies (37) Good night (9052) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.' http://tfl.nu/2fkm
  Replies (17) Good night (9003) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  so no drinking for you?

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  don't be silly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party (423): so no drinking for you? (615): don't be silly http://tfl.nu/xiol
  Replies (50) Good night (9091) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you guys were way drunker than both of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): you guys were way drunker than both of me http://tfl.nu/x140
  Replies (11) Good night (8869) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard http://tfl.nu/hbi3
  Replies (36) Good night (8491) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
  Replies (45) Good night (9509) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song http://tfl.nu/2x4f
  Replies (25) Good night (9232) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled. http://tfl.nu/1807
  Replies (164) Good night (8726) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays? http://tfl.nu/wnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (8782) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends. http://tfl.nu/ox60
  Replies (72) Good night (9450) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy. http://tfl.nu/5u2t
  Replies (78) Good night (9044) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/8zv1
  Replies (20) Good night (8535) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

  (1-936): View more from Texas

  I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15
  Replies (19) Good night (9392) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  So glad I found your sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find. (443): So glad I found your sister. http://tfl.nu/p3yp
  Replies (36) Good night (9272) Bad night (888)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

  (914): View more from New York

  you mean faeutihaers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night? (914): you mean faeutihaers? http://tfl.nu/mcba
  Replies (34) Good night (10029) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  fucking a dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i mean: fucking a, dude

  (703): View more from Virginia

  wow, that comma made all the difference there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): fucking a dude (703): i mean: fucking a, dude (703): wow, that comma made all the difference there http://tfl.nu/2m4f
  Replies (92) Good night (10432) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd give my left nut to see you

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  don't do that. I like the set

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'd give my left nut to see you (609): don't do that. I like the set http://tfl.nu/41nb
  Replies (12) Good night (9232) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning http://tfl.nu/f3jq
  Replies (32) Good night (9184) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition. http://tfl.nu/fwuo
  Replies (13) Good night (9288) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome. http://tfl.nu/9kjh
  Replies (27) Good night (9404) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  6 min

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers (1-215): 6 min http://tfl.nu/dx1s
  Replies (64) Good night (9571) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
  Replies (99) Good night (9867) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for http://tfl.nu/goo7
  Replies (26) Good night (9613) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k
  Replies (68) Good night (9054) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids http://tfl.nu/tr3o
  Replies (38) Good night (9061) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix. http://tfl.nu/c1od
  Replies (43) Good night (9319) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9427) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not. http://tfl.nu/74g7
  Replies (27) Good night (9048) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night http://tfl.nu/hkfs
  Replies (43) Good night (9526) Bad night (2658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you http://tfl.nu/blf7
  Replies (38) Good night (9384) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC

  (831): View more from California

  Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC (831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown. http://tfl.nu/up2g
  Replies (43) Good night (9477) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10524) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (10754) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am. http://tfl.nu/d1e6
  Replies (111) Good night (9453) Bad night (1433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing. http://tfl.nu/x35s
  Replies (51) Good night (9467) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10047) Bad night (2717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before. http://tfl.nu/0fke
  Replies (20) Good night (9753) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  I absolutely love you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it. (1-360): I absolutely love you. http://tfl.nu/vd5p
  Replies (39) Good night (10019) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  was that a mass text??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791
  Replies (59) Good night (10277) Bad night (1885)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook http://tfl.nu/ft2u
  Replies (36) Good night (9772) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/vi3x
  Replies (32) Good night (9607) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever. http://tfl.nu/cy9z
  Replies (195) Good night (10060) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You're 20.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt
  Replies (148) Good night (10697) Bad night (1759)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Everybody was literally kung fu fighting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Everybody was literally kung fu fighting http://tfl.nu/75ca
  Replies (33) Good night (9933) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  thanks it was an honor just to be nominated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met (1-319): thanks it was an honor just to be nominated http://tfl.nu/yswc
  Replies (35) Good night (10215) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat? http://tfl.nu/beg4
  Replies (63) Good night (10362) Bad night (1495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face http://tfl.nu/f86d
  Replies (46) Good night (10070) Bad night (2336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever. http://tfl.nu/56mg
  Replies (38) Good night (9695) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right? http://tfl.nu/odtd
  Replies (25) Good night (9689) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
  Replies (25) Good night (10028) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper. http://tfl.nu/3leu
  Replies (16) Good night (9326) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store http://tfl.nu/cjt7
  Replies (23) Good night (9857) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0
  Replies (48) Good night (9862) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas. (407): i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful. http://tfl.nu/1iey
  Replies (29) Good night (9895) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself. http://tfl.nu/vif9
  Replies (55) Good night (10029) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Party in the USA is so catchy!

  (863): View more from Florida

  Yea, so is AIDS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Party in the USA is so catchy! (863): Yea, so is AIDS. http://tfl.nu/nzzd
  Replies (85) Good night (10797) Bad night (1557)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! http://tfl.nu/5ptk
  Replies (50) Good night (10012) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him. http://tfl.nu/d3m1
  Replies (31) Good night (10768) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese. http://tfl.nu/65in
  Replies (29) Good night (10167) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical. http://tfl.nu/d9c8
  Replies (29) Good night (10515) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/3lsk
  Replies (52) Good night (10790) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff http://tfl.nu/b3xl
  Replies (83) Good night (11251) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me. http://tfl.nu/hmco
  Replies (57) Good night (9855) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw
  Replies (26) Good night (10639) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today. http://tfl.nu/sil6
  Replies (10) Good night (10262) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you... http://tfl.nu/2hf7
  Replies (59) Good night (10800) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (12665) Bad night (4647)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory http://tfl.nu/t9t2
  Replies (21) Good night (10415) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity http://tfl.nu/qinl
  Replies (67) Good night (11207) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (11625) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know. http://tfl.nu/71w6
  Replies (24) Good night (10770) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun. http://tfl.nu/3gwj
  Replies (38) Good night (11137) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur http://tfl.nu/hhzt
  Replies (36) Good night (11267) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (13454) Bad night (3218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (12389) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower. http://tfl.nu/yzkb
  Replies (44) Good night (11500) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
  Replies (14) Good night (13185) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone. http://tfl.nu/vfbd
  Replies (40) Good night (13281) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left http://tfl.nu/gb7d
  Replies (56) Good night (12467) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta. http://tfl.nu/sa2y
  Replies (40) Good night (13546) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he. http://tfl.nu/52vb
  Replies (49) Good night (14103) Bad night (1908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h
  Replies (45) Good night (13501) Bad night (1642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume. http://tfl.nu/gckc
  Replies (46) Good night (12661) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  what was she crying about?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle. (1-734): what was she crying about? (734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job. http://tfl.nu/fomm
  Replies (47) Good night (13468) Bad night (1341)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (16868) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

  (716): View more from New York

  do you not see the irony in that??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog (716): do you not see the irony in that?? http://tfl.nu/h8wi
  Replies (71) Good night (14871) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/2ys4
  Replies (57) Good night (13858) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (59) Good night (15804) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (16800) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight? http://tfl.nu/wnvq
  Replies (38) Good night (16176) Bad night (1614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm out of practice. be my yoda

  (314): View more from Missouri

  put your penis in her you must.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e
  Replies (58) Good night (16712) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian? (1-260): what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing http://tfl.nu/axih
  Replies (50) Good night (16722) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (45) Good night (18919) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner. http://tfl.nu/otz7
  Replies (36) Good night (15704) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one. http://tfl.nu/4xsk
  Replies (35) Good night (14706) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him http://tfl.nu/5c6r
  Replies (141) Good night (16480) Bad night (2305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  youve hit the jackpot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out (803): youve hit the jackpot http://tfl.nu/tr3l
  Replies (49) Good night (15426) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

  (801): View more from Utah

  alright see you in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house. (1-801): There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen. (801): alright see you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gnes
  Replies (47) Good night (17509) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever." http://tfl.nu/4fcm
  Replies (49) Good night (16452) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week." http://tfl.nu/whj8
  Replies (86) Good night (19009) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is. http://tfl.nu/41jw
  Replies (23) Good night (16953) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies http://tfl.nu/qgfc
  Replies (61) Good night (18265) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  we're chasing vodka with high fives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): we're chasing vodka with high fives http://tfl.nu/2m9s
  Replies (38) Good night (16497) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (60) Good night (25712) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (20081) Bad night (2562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice. http://tfl.nu/fg4t
  Replies (43) Good night (19492) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence http://tfl.nu/779y
  Replies (66) Good night (19281) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer http://tfl.nu/cllh
  Replies (118) Good night (21803) Bad night (1917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
  Replies (45) Good night (21928) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (26671) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew http://tfl.nu/ocbg
  Replies (44) Good night (22186) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (26725) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
  Replies (106) Good night (20236) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (24152) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq
  Replies (90) Good night (23198) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (27411) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx
  Replies (56) Good night (24958) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (28083) Bad night (1778)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (30) Good night (26844) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest http://tfl.nu/54ul
  Replies (41) Good night (25661) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (78) Good night (28561) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz
  Replies (53) Good night (24752) Bad night (1530)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (22586) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo
  Replies (73) Good night (24160) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75
  Replies (36) Good night (23976) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0
  Replies (66) Good night (24190) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now http://tfl.nu/39yk
  Replies (82) Good night (25110) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly
  Replies (409) Good night (24867) Bad night (3086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers http://tfl.nu/97ey
  Replies (15) Good night (23119) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (59) Good night (28663) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra. http://tfl.nu/ga1u
  Replies (66) Good night (25934) Bad night (1363)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (154) Good night (29388) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (105) Good night (29379) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (106) Good night (30428) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (24984) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (35546) Bad night (1312)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (32827) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (27145) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (30314) Bad night (1281)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (130) Good night (30196) Bad night (1855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (50) Good night (34209) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (109) Good night (35399) Bad night (2547)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (135) Good night (35890) Bad night (968)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (208) Good night (29818) Bad night (2457)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (31598) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (123) Good night (38733) Bad night (2159)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (111) Good night (42887) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (123) Good night (39268) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl
  Replies (116) Good night (35327) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
  Replies (76) Good night (35514) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars (910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT http://tfl.nu/70k5
  Replies (79) Good night (37189) Bad night (1549)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
  Replies (139) Good night (37823) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos. http://tfl.nu/9xke
  Replies (193) Good night (36094) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room. http://tfl.nu/3nsa
  Replies (82) Good night (37279) Bad night (1562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (75) Good night (36187) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich.... http://tfl.nu/i7fe
  Replies (97) Good night (35871) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (169) Good night (48033) Bad night (4922)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (66258) Bad night (1610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (343) Good night (53622) Bad night (6205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (107) Good night (37524) Bad night (1490)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud. http://tfl.nu/xhdj
  Replies (49) Good night (44183) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him http://tfl.nu/pxgw
  Replies (133) Good night (41039) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

  (443): View more from Maryland

  wasted?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  im pocohantasssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6
  Replies (109) Good night (41381) Bad night (1555)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (205) Good night (47826) Bad night (2072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (206) Good night (48184) Bad night (2042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
  Replies (74) Good night (48291) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (108) Good night (43183) Bad night (1996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (181) Good night (52565) Bad night (4009)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (43) Good night (44576) Bad night (1682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41047) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (289) Good night (67186) Bad night (1858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (117) Good night (43040) Bad night (2840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (129) Good night (56434) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (245) Good night (63322) Bad night (2315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (150) Good night (61335) Bad night (2817)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (206) Good night (57987) Bad night (1834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (231) Good night (60584) Bad night (2035)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (283) Good night (59363) Bad night (3480)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (195) Good night (75124) Bad night (3666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (196) Good night (81420) Bad night (6214)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (496) Good night (81327) Bad night (7337)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (479) Good night (125967) Bad night (4887)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (802) Good night (133880) Bad night (8146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (201) Good night (110880) Bad night (2530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (433) Good night (105957) Bad night (8601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (120) Good night (119910) Bad night (2070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (164) Good night (86209) Bad night (3090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (296) Good night (94293) Bad night (4787)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers http://tfl.nu/1x7e
  Replies (24) Good night (471) Bad night (5285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Please get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot. (1-919): Please get laid. http://tfl.nu/xffk
  Replies (37) Good night (1518) Bad night (5466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends. http://tfl.nu/odrr
  Replies (19) Good night (368) Bad night (5247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.

  (713): View more from Texas

  what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over. (713): what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper. http://tfl.nu/jxuh
  Replies (95) Good night (638) Bad night (5519)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song. http://tfl.nu/sv6u
  Replies (28) Good night (906) Bad night (5401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF? http://tfl.nu/cban
  Replies (21) Good night (1378) Bad night (5388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her http://tfl.nu/ua6n
  Replies (13) Good night (457) Bad night (5300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  No, drunk sperm still make babies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): No, drunk sperm still make babies. http://tfl.nu/xn33
  Replies (15) Good night (658) Bad night (5267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust. http://tfl.nu/fcbh
  Replies (20) Good night (310) Bad night (5455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  i think the cat found all the blow we lost...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): i think the cat found all the blow we lost... http://tfl.nu/uqm6
  Replies (31) Good night (1213) Bad night (5309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display. http://tfl.nu/9yl8
  Replies (13) Good night (794) Bad night (5371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try". http://tfl.nu/107g
  Replies (16) Good night (642) Bad night (5413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?! http://tfl.nu/mnfn
  Replies (370) Good night (4760) Bad night (5330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail? http://tfl.nu/xsa7
  Replies (20) Good night (697) Bad night (5340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): She made Precious look like a solid 6.5. http://tfl.nu/qn24
  Replies (32) Good night (422) Bad night (5534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing. http://tfl.nu/86sf
  Replies (19) Good night (1088) Bad night (5345)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously. http://tfl.nu/nor0
  Replies (43) Good night (984) Bad night (5282)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him. http://tfl.nu/1l2e
  Replies (31) Good night (868) Bad night (5375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  what's for breakfast?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Advil and throwup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): what's for breakfast? (678): Advil and throwup http://tfl.nu/nzn0
  Replies (19) Good night (1151) Bad night (5274)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly. http://tfl.nu/q5lh
  Replies (14) Good night (788) Bad night (5359)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final http://tfl.nu/shle
  Replies (34) Good night (736) Bad night (5233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding. http://tfl.nu/e8lb
  Replies (19) Good night (726) Bad night (5503)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around http://tfl.nu/e0gz
  Replies (14) Good night (1777) Bad night (5503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift? http://tfl.nu/ixd3
  Replies (53) Good night (1479) Bad night (5379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me. http://tfl.nu/ypbg
  Replies (38) Good night (305) Bad night (5338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/0m41
  Replies (44) Good night (772) Bad night (5357)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots. http://tfl.nu/8qei
  Replies (23) Good night (994) Bad night (5425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it. http://tfl.nu/9gem
  Replies (47) Good night (1517) Bad night (5578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  no, didnt close...

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): no, didnt close... (978): What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic... http://tfl.nu/lkpf
  Replies (13) Good night (664) Bad night (5692)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/8lay
  Replies (13) Good night (819) Bad night (5472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room. http://tfl.nu/rw2d
  Replies (58) Good night (1677) Bad night (5306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay. http://tfl.nu/cdim
  Replies (26) Good night (949) Bad night (5580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it. http://tfl.nu/3oo8
  Replies (17) Good night (448) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  she is the kim kardashian of front butts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): she is the kim kardashian of front butts http://tfl.nu/khn5
  Replies (23) Good night (401) Bad night (5500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  operation have a gay friend backfired

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): operation have a gay friend backfired http://tfl.nu/5i5r
  Replies (35) Good night (639) Bad night (5450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went. http://tfl.nu/izjf
  Replies (37) Good night (991) Bad night (5422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
  Replies (30) Good night (1536) Bad night (5452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp? http://tfl.nu/p1my
  Replies (27) Good night (879) Bad night (5464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS". http://tfl.nu/4yux
  Replies (23) Good night (392) Bad night (5463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie... http://tfl.nu/pw66
  Replies (40) Good night (1003) Bad night (5613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions. http://tfl.nu/m5qp
  Replies (67) Good night (533) Bad night (5452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing. http://tfl.nu/culr
  Replies (29) Good night (478) Bad night (5802)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning http://tfl.nu/bu5f
  Replies (22) Good night (888) Bad night (5505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app. http://tfl.nu/wpzp
  Replies (25) Good night (940) Bad night (5571)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid? http://tfl.nu/2je7
  Replies (34) Good night (584) Bad night (5409) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (458): View more from Oregon

  So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (458): So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins... http://tfl.nu/wa72
  Replies (53) Good night (895) Bad night (5542)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair. http://tfl.nu/rhhz
  Replies (26) Good night (621) Bad night (5466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  saw you walking with that piece of shit

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  and that piece of shit just read that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): saw you walking with that piece of shit (267): and that piece of shit just read that http://tfl.nu/lre4
  Replies (24) Good night (995) Bad night (5624)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck. http://tfl.nu/q2n8
  Replies (78) Good night (589) Bad night (5533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar http://tfl.nu/nsmi
  Replies (20) Good night (1129) Bad night (5532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant. http://tfl.nu/gemh
  Replies (15) Good night (692) Bad night (5569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Farmville is her only friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Farmville is her only friend. http://tfl.nu/6s8i
  Replies (55) Good night (653) Bad night (5413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out http://tfl.nu/f2m2
  Replies (24) Good night (767) Bad night (5447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now. http://tfl.nu/4x4e
  Replies (16) Good night (607) Bad night (5465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy http://tfl.nu/mh40
  Replies (11) Good night (327) Bad night (5560)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date http://tfl.nu/21qw
  Replies (58) Good night (883) Bad night (5408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no. http://tfl.nu/w88c
  Replies (17) Good night (865) Bad night (5461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song. (1-706): I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina. http://tfl.nu/b2qf
  Replies (81) Good night (2338) Bad night (5719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity http://tfl.nu/xcgi
  Replies (36) Good night (652) Bad night (5598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her http://tfl.nu/ank1
  Replies (53) Good night (1064) Bad night (5480) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!

  (1-228): View more from Mississippi

  brownberry?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!! (1-228): brownberry? http://tfl.nu/y1s8
  Replies (19) Good night (1026) Bad night (5630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4. http://tfl.nu/p8en
  Replies (32) Good night (412) Bad night (5499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French. http://tfl.nu/rqrw
  Replies (80) Good night (798) Bad night (5524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you? http://tfl.nu/4jb3
  Replies (22) Good night (8888) Bad night (5846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town

  (1-213): View more from California

  well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town (1-213): well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT http://tfl.nu/kbwd
  Replies (14) Good night (582) Bad night (5677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document http://tfl.nu/k2y9
  Replies (49) Good night (950) Bad night (5742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed. http://tfl.nu/urd8
  Replies (13) Good night (345) Bad night (5546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There is a distinct lack of front teeth here. http://tfl.nu/ak90
  Replies (25) Good night (554) Bad night (5578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling http://tfl.nu/ijkr
  Replies (21) Good night (607) Bad night (5696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay http://tfl.nu/jcra
  Replies (18) Good night (328) Bad night (5778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have http://tfl.nu/u3xa
  Replies (17) Good night (878) Bad night (5637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really? http://tfl.nu/3wbc
  Replies (22) Good night (460) Bad night (5522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest. http://tfl.nu/jip9
  Replies (28) Good night (1279) Bad night (5659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin? (1-203): I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight. http://tfl.nu/pi9j
  Replies (18) Good night (1245) Bad night (5914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one? http://tfl.nu/z1d1
  Replies (84) Good night (571) Bad night (5725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later. http://tfl.nu/jthu
  Replies (19) Good night (544) Bad night (5781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it http://tfl.nu/sa3y
  Replies (52) Good night (1044) Bad night (5847)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I told you not to have sex with her on my futon

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I didnt dude, i swear!

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I told you not to have sex with her on my futon (612): I didnt dude, i swear! (952): either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon http://tfl.nu/i90q
  Replies (19) Good night (2302) Bad night (6095)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  I don't want it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU (1-609): I don't want it. http://tfl.nu/jvul
  Replies (36) Good night (833) Bad night (7450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Her vagina smelled like bad decisions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Her vagina smelled like bad decisions http://tfl.nu/m5j1
  Replies (33) Good night (620) Bad night (7474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator. http://tfl.nu/ju6d
  Replies (70) Good night (943) Bad night (7768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours? http://tfl.nu/hqbo
  Replies (46) Good night (2446) Bad night (7911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you.. http://tfl.nu/8fyi
  Replies (24) Good night (648) Bad night (8816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle. http://tfl.nu/b46q
  Replies (52) Good night (1536) Bad night (9648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender. http://tfl.nu/r1fg
  Replies (24) Good night (1526) Bad night (10661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): :O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out" http://tfl.nu/uf6x
  Replies (30) Good night (549) Bad night (11068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape

  (310): View more from California

  wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?

  (818): View more from California

  why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape (310): wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape? (818): why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES http://tfl.nu/d72u
  Replies (93) Good night (775) Bad night (11629)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself. http://tfl.nu/8ts9
  Replies (72) Good night (1794) Bad night (13638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  just found the deal breaker

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  hairy back?

  (251): View more from Alabama

  he can't live within 1000 ft of a school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): just found the deal breaker (1-251): hairy back? (251): he can't live within 1000 ft of a school http://tfl.nu/kwkd
  Replies (73) Good night (620) Bad night (13467)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night http://tfl.nu/v4yn
  Replies (72) Good night (960) Bad night (12306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (52) Good night (2182) Bad night (14160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/h0f1
  Replies (39) Good night (756) Bad night (14902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob http://tfl.nu/1gjp
  Replies (192) Good night (2027) Bad night (15266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You mean Doughnuts?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  ......No :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I just woke up to me licking the dognuts (623): You mean Doughnuts? (602): ......No :( http://tfl.nu/8azm
  Replies (50) Good night (871) Bad night (16497)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it? http://tfl.nu/ugmv
  Replies (90) Good night (1742) Bad night (16716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (126) Good night (7401) Bad night (22459)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote. http://tfl.nu/5km0
  Replies (126) Good night (810) Bad night (33281)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation". http://tfl.nu/h2mq
  Replies (83) Good night (2680) Bad night (37264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (5930) Bad night (38732)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom. http://tfl.nu/rbnh
  Replies (116) Good night (1200) Bad night (43290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (120) Good night (3071) Bad night (59576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (220) Good night (6239) Bad night (69232)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (142) Good night (5775) Bad night (66714)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (579) Good night (3833) Bad night (97617)