I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and she was petting her beer can
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
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