Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
nutella sex= disaster
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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