Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Send us your Text From Last Night!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Loading more great texts...