My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
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