This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
This house was built for laser tag.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
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