I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
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I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ketchup is God's man juice
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