Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
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