I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
nutella sex= disaster
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
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