Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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