# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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