If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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