I would go down on you faster than GM stock
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it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
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