I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You must be Logged in to post a comment
I don't even get the New Moon jokes--is it because I'm not 14?
woooowww you don't joke about cancer. period.
Haha that's so fucked up. But I'm forreal gettin tired of this new moon shit
I'm slightly bisexual, and I don't give a shit about the twilight series. The only reason I even watched the first movie was because my girlfriend was into it, and watching it with her got me laid.
That will still revoke your man card. Pussy
I read the books, watched the movies. They're good, but not good enough to get obsessed with over. *And vampires shouldn't sparkle
Oh and also 4:46
Shit the fuck up??? Learn to spell before you attempt to insult me
1:32 you're obviously an inbred
7:00, you are my hero.
Edward Cullen is so pale because there's no sun in the closet.
Wow, all you fucking losers spending your time insulting people you will NEVER FUCKING MEET.
Go do something with your useless lives.
Is it weird that I'm more offended that someone would stoop to pretending to like twilight, and not about the fake cancer thing? I mean in away it's all the same though right, twlight=cancer.
I'd rather fuck a fat chick.
7:04 and 7:52. I'm right there with ya
I love Twilight, but people take it TOO far sometimes.
The guy above me is super mad. What a bitch
Every guy on this website is a motherfucking pig.
I hope you all choke and die on your own penises when you try to give yourselves head because you obviously get no action otherwise.
the fact that you have to say shit like this to get laid says a lot about your game
7:50 She doesn't jump off a cliff to kill herself. Cliff diving actually is fun. Try it some time. Just be smart about it and not jump in the ocean during a storm. That was her mistake.
best ever! major props
Feel pretty sorry for you if you need to say these things and bullshit your way just to get sex ,pathetic
Yea but lestat won't be a child of the millenia for at least another 700 years or so, think of all the things Marius has seen.
good point 8:23.
but lestat also became the lead singer of a band.
For fuck sake why can't people just face facts , some people like twilight and some
people don't , get over it .
Isaiah 1:14 Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hateth: they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them.
Lol girls are fucking dumb.
Maybe if he did cock pushups he wouldn't lie to get laid
cancer inst something to joke about
I think I am more pathetic than all of u being I actually took the time to keep reading this nonsense, I could have jis kept fkn my girl I stead of reading this during our intermission......
if some guy told me he was team edward, i would just tell him to go join edward in the closet. twilights just a turnoff for me.
6:36 - PREACH THE GOSPEL.
Try again. twilight is targeted toward mainly teenage girls or women
Great txt. I can see this one actually being part of a conversation
Nothing like subtle sexual innuendos targeting 10 year olds to make you realize how sad and pathetic this twipedophilia really
7:50. U don't get it and ur the joke
tell her anything you want as long as you get some pussy out of it
i told her same thing.... head only :(
Is this your subtle way of telling us that you got with a ten year old?
See, that piece of shit movie can still be very useful. 1 on the cancer, always an ace.
Why do ppl get so serious about this stuff? It's funny
THE BIBLE HATES NEW MOON!!!
Isiaih 1:14. look it up.
rice is so much better. *team lestat*
U guys who r bashing twilight r only hurting urselves. It is catnip 4 girls.
Does anyone think that trueblood is like an adult version of twilight, but almost as weak, and equally geared towards women?
Haha it's funny cause it's prolly true
6:20 - 6:22 you're obviously Emo.
If a girl fell for the Edward line she deserves this asshole. For using cancer as a sex trick, this asshole deserves to be slapped in his face.
Okay yes all the little girls obsessed with twilight is lame, but the books are still great and the story line is good, people talking shit on here are the lame ones.
Edward is my looooooove!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha I guess that would work...lol
Two cancerous tumors walk into a bar...
To 11:30, I wish I could suck my own cock because then I would save a shit ton of money by blowing myself instead of taking out stupid bitches like you hoping you put out but you won't. Get over yourself. This shit is funny and the fact you got butt hurt over a stupid piece of shit movie with a horrible plot and horrible acting is sad.
6:53, your mind has now been fucked. I win.
Wtf is team Edward...?
What point did he prove exactly ?
And how do you know I'm a girl?
but if marius is so old and has seen everything, don't you think he would be bored with you?
i stand by lestat.
Thing 1- I bet you would get it faster if you told her you sparkle in the sunlight too.
Thing 2- Lying about cancer for sex is 800,000,000 times better than lying about AIDS. Plus, a girl who actually didn't want to have sex with you at all would not have fallen for the cancer lie. Cancer or no cancer, if I am not into it, it is not going into me.
hahahahaha i'd fall for it. and i'd like it.
4:55 shut the fuck up
all of you that hate twlight....give gurls a break...finally there is a movie mostley gurls...all the other movies have always hot gurls in it and the boyfriends look like crap.....NOW ITS OUR TURN.......
Perhaps, but Marius liked to study people and thier different times so it's hard to say.
Saying you're team Edward will get you so much ass. I'm a girl and I'd give it up to any guy that team Edward. Or at least some good head.
Awww what a pathetic bitch.
Relax people he never joked about cancer, he lied about having it to get laid. Think about all the lies you told to get into someones pants. Nuff said.
I have cancer and this shit is funny
By bashing a series or anything for that matter, shows how immature and ignorant you are. Let people like what they like. Bashing people on what they like it so stupid.
it's clever, it's funny, if u don't like like it take ur bitching somewhere else cause these are the texts that make this site worth it. and to all that are saying the cancer reference makes it offensive, go ahead and step out of fantasyland and realize not all jokes are clean. Jesus
In Soviet Russia, team Edward is YOU!!!!
Was it worth the STDs OP?
You are on this site too. So if you take offence to this, you should take a long look in the mirror cause you are just as fucked up as this guy. But well done sir.
im not 14 and im not a homosexual or a bisexual person and i like the twilight series so suck a dick
YOU SOLD YOUR FUCKING SOUL YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. I HOPE YOU DIE OF CANCER JUST FOR THE IRONY BECAUSE YOU'D DESERVE IT.
Gotta love Louisville, Ky
Mindlessly bashing for no other reason than to piss off the people who like it is bad true. Of course if the thing they like is bad your only saveing them.
Why is it bad? When he leaves her She jumps off a fuckin cliff! Please tell me that dosent send mixed messages.
get a grip the JOKE was funny never dissed cancer the sister part was the punch line
Hey Jeff, I don't get it!
everyone who did not laugh at this is totally lame. this most likely isn't real. but its funny. and I like it.
OH MY GOOOD!!!! THAT IS FUCKING FUNNY!!!!!
I actually LOLd at this
What's the big deal about the twilight saga? "ooh, I'm a vampire! Fear my glitter!" What the actual fuck?
Hey 6:06 how about you shit the fuck up. You just proved their point. How does it feel to be a bitch?
twilight isnt bad.. but it sure isnt anything that everyone should be hard core obsessing over
I hope that this person does realize that he had sex with a 10 year old.
Yeah, cancers fucking hilarious. FAIL, LOSER!
go suck a cock, stupid feminist and tell the rest of your people if they want equality they shouldnt gobble up stupid vampire teendrama shit
Hahaha the sad thing is that this ones probably true.
Team Edward baby <3
906: Amen to that!!!
Twilight sucks hitlers balls
HAHAHAHA im def gonna do this on friday
Hahaha let me hollaaa at youu :)
in order to get lucky with a classy chick youd have to be team jacob :)
Anyone who likes twilight is a piece of dogshit.
6:26 Don't knock it til you tried it. You never know, you might like it.
See, to appreciate Twilight, you have to know what it was made for:
it's a mastrubation fantasy for 12-year old girls that don't know what sex is yet.
Sorry I mean 9:54. Not 1:14
TWILIGHT AND EDWARD BOTH FUCKING SUCK DICKS!!!!!!
Haha this reminds me of my friend. She'd do anything for an Edward fan.
I'm a chick and I still laughed my ass off at this one, cuz I WOULD totally go for either of those lines (even if I knew you were lying just to get laid).
got to get her in bed somehow...i guess lying about some shit movie and cancer is the only way he can get women. lol gg at least you got some.
6:45--Dude, fatties are so grateful to be getting any you can be really rough and violent with them. Any shame you might feel from dishing out such brutal punishment to a hot girl is totally out the window.
that stupid feminist being 11:40
You're a bad person.
you all need to go get laid or something..this shit is pathetic
No, it's because the whole twighlight series is targeted towards emos and homosexual/bisexual people.
1:14 go fuck yourself, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GOD YOU FUCKING CHODEWAGON.
... So the lion fell in love with the lamb.
@7:00: ass flesh isn't that worthless. it's good for spankin'
i like this one. it's funny. but damn it makes girls look stupid.
In order to get lucky with a classy chick, you have to be someone who hates twilight
Fuck team lestat. Team Marius all the way
Hope you get it , dickhead
btw sayin you have cancer and dont is very foolish...be careful with what you wish for.....i wouldnt advice you to do it again.....and to say that just to get some thats pretty sad .....you really need to concider gettin closer to your faith and God...God bless you all ....
I should try that if I ever get dumped again.