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  • I don't even get the New Moon jokes--is it because I'm not 14?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:12pm
  • woooowww you don't joke about cancer. period.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:19pm
  • Haha that's so fucked up. But I'm forreal gettin tired of this new moon shit

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:12pm
  • I'm slightly bisexual, and I don't give a shit about the twilight series. The only reason I even watched the first movie was because my girlfriend was into it, and watching it with her got me laid.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:20pm
  • That will still revoke your man card. Pussy

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:40pm
  • I read the books, watched the movies. They're good, but not good enough to get obsessed with over. *And vampires shouldn't sparkle

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:29pm
  • Oh and also 4:46 Shit the fuck up??? Learn to spell before you attempt to insult me

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 27, 09 at 5:27am
  • 1:32 you're obviously an inbred

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 2:10am
  • 7:00, you are my hero.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:01pm
  • Edward Cullen is so pale because there's no sun in the closet.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 10:49am
  • I'd rather fuck a fat chick.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:45pm
  • Wow, all you fucking losers spending your time insulting people you will NEVER FUCKING MEET. Go do something with your useless lives.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 29, 09 at 12:56am
  • I love Twilight, but people take it TOO far sometimes.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:22pm
  • 7:04 and 7:52. I'm right there with ya

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:00pm
  • Is it weird that I'm more offended that someone would stoop to pretending to like twilight, and not about the fake cancer thing? I mean in away it's all the same though right, twlight=cancer.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:54pm
  • Every guy on this website is a motherfucking pig. I hope you all choke and die on your own penises when you try to give yourselves head because you obviously get no action otherwise.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 11:30pm
  • the fact that you have to say shit like this to get laid says a lot about your game

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:58pm
  • The guy above me is super mad. What a bitch

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:04pm
  • 7:50 She doesn't jump off a cliff to kill herself. Cliff diving actually is fun. Try it some time. Just be smart about it and not jump in the ocean during a storm. That was her mistake.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:54pm
  • best ever! major props

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:23pm
  • Feel pretty sorry for you if you need to say these things and bullshit your way just to get sex ,pathetic

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 6:09am
  • Isaiah 1:14 Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hateth: they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 4, 09 at 9:54am
  • good point 8:23. but lestat also became the lead singer of a band. yum.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:28pm
  • Yea but lestat won't be a child of the millenia for at least another 700 years or so, think of all the things Marius has seen.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:12pm
  • For fuck sake why can't people just face facts , some people like twilight and some people don't , get over it .

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 9:41am
  • Lol girls are fucking dumb.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 21, 09 at 1:56am
  • Maybe if he did cock pushups he wouldn't lie to get laid

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 4:23pm
  • I think I am more pathetic than all of u being I actually took the time to keep reading this nonsense, I could have jis kept fkn my girl I stead of reading this during our intermission......

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 29, 09 at 8:44pm
  • cancer inst something to joke about

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 1:58pm
  • 6:36 - PREACH THE GOSPEL.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:45pm
  • if some guy told me he was team edward, i would just tell him to go join edward in the closet. twilights just a turnoff for me.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:31pm
  • Nothing like subtle sexual innuendos targeting 10 year olds to make you realize how sad and pathetic this twipedophilia really

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:25pm
  • 6:16, Try again. twilight is targeted toward mainly teenage girls or women

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:17pm
  • Great txt. I can see this one actually being part of a conversation

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 1:51am
  • 7:50. U don't get it and ur the joke

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:21pm
  • tell her anything you want as long as you get some pussy out of it

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:36pm
  • See, that piece of shit movie can still be very useful. 1 on the cancer, always an ace.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:48pm
  • i told her same thing.... head only :(

    Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 24, 09 at 3:12pm
  • Is this your subtle way of telling us that you got with a ten year old?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:40pm
  • Why do ppl get so serious about this stuff? It's funny

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:45pm
  • amen, 7:04. rice is so much better. *team lestat*

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:52pm
  • THE BIBLE HATES NEW MOON!!! Isiaih 1:14. look it up.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 28, 09 at 1:57am
  • FUCK TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 3:15am
  • U guys who r bashing twilight r only hurting urselves. It is catnip 4 girls.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:24pm
  • Haha it's funny cause it's prolly true

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 12:43pm
  • Does anyone think that trueblood is like an adult version of twilight, but almost as weak, and equally geared towards women?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:22pm
  • 6:20 - 6:22 you're obviously Emo.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 1:32am
  • Edward is my looooooove!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha I guess that would work...lol

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 5:26pm
  • Okay yes all the little girls obsessed with twilight is lame, but the books are still great and the story line is good, people talking shit on here are the lame ones.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:02pm
  • Two cancerous tumors walk into a bar...

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 12:00pm
  • If a girl fell for the Edward line she deserves this asshole. For using cancer as a sex trick, this asshole deserves to be slapped in his face.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:49pm
  • To 11:30, I wish I could suck my own cock because then I would save a shit ton of money by blowing myself instead of taking out stupid bitches like you hoping you put out but you won't. Get over yourself. This shit is funny and the fact you got butt hurt over a stupid piece of shit movie with a horrible plot and horrible acting is sad.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 4:55am
  • 4:46 What point did he prove exactly ? And how do you know I'm a girl? Dickhead

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 27, 09 at 5:25am
  • 10:12- but if marius is so old and has seen everything, don't you think he would be bored with you? i stand by lestat.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:18pm
  • Thing 1- I bet you would get it faster if you told her you sparkle in the sunlight too. Thing 2- Lying about cancer for sex is 800,000,000 times better than lying about AIDS. Plus, a girl who actually didn't want to have sex with you at all would not have fallen for the cancer lie. Cancer or no cancer, if I am not into it, it is not going into me.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 30, 09 at 10:05am
  • Wtf is team Edward...?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:12pm
  • hahahahaha i'd fall for it. and i'd like it.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 12, 09 at 1:20pm
  • all of you that hate twlight....give gurls a break...finally there is a movie mostley gurls...all the other movies have always hot gurls in it and the boyfriends look like crap.....NOW ITS OUR TURN.......

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 4:45pm
  • 6:53, your mind has now been fucked. I win.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:58pm
  • 11:18 Perhaps, but Marius liked to study people and thier different times so it's hard to say.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 5:30am
  • 4:55 shut the fuck up

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 6:06am
  • Saying you're team Edward will get you so much ass. I'm a girl and I'd give it up to any guy that team Edward. Or at least some good head.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 4, 10 at 3:21pm
  • Yeahhhhhhhhhh Louisville!!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 3:22am
  • Awww what a pathetic bitch.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 6:39pm
  • Relax people he never joked about cancer, he lied about having it to get laid. Think about all the lies you told to get into someones pants. Nuff said.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:18pm
  • I have cancer and this shit is funny

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:27pm
  • By bashing a series or anything for that matter, shows how immature and ignorant you are. Let people like what they like. Bashing people on what they like it so stupid.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:39pm
  • In Soviet Russia, team Edward is YOU!!!!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:50pm
  • Was it worth the STDs OP?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 10:21pm
  • it's clever, it's funny, if u don't like like it take ur bitching somewhere else cause these are the texts that make this site worth it. and to all that are saying the cancer reference makes it offensive, go ahead and step out of fantasyland and realize not all jokes are clean. Jesus

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:06pm
  • You are on this site too. So if you take offence to this, you should take a long look in the mirror cause you are just as fucked up as this guy. But well done sir.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:52pm
  • im not 14 and im not a homosexual or a bisexual person and i like the twilight series so suck a dick

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:20pm
  • YOU SOLD YOUR FUCKING SOUL YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. I HOPE YOU DIE OF CANCER JUST FOR THE IRONY BECAUSE YOU'D DESERVE IT.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:52pm
  • Gotta love Louisville, Ky

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:11pm
  • get a grip the JOKE was funny never dissed cancer the sister part was the punch line

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:50pm
  • Hey Jeff, I don't get it!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:53pm
  • OH MY GOOOD!!!! THAT IS FUCKING FUNNY!!!!!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 16, 09 at 9:52pm
  • Hey 6:06 how about you shit the fuck up. You just proved their point. How does it feel to be a bitch?

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 27, 09 at 4:46am
  • To 7:39 Mindlessly bashing for no other reason than to piss off the people who like it is bad true. Of course if the thing they like is bad your only saveing them. Why is it bad? When he leaves her She jumps off a fuckin cliff! Please tell me that dosent send mixed messages.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:50pm
  • I actually LOLd at this

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:40pm
  • I hope that this person does realize that he had sex with a 10 year old.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:39pm
  • everyone who did not laugh at this is totally lame. this most likely isn't real. but its funny. and I like it.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:37pm
  • Yeah, cancers fucking hilarious. FAIL, LOSER!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:43pm
  • go suck a cock, stupid feminist and tell the rest of your people if they want equality they shouldnt gobble up stupid vampire teendrama shit

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 11:40pm
  • What's the big deal about the twilight saga? "ooh, I'm a vampire! Fear my glitter!" What the actual fuck?

    Submitted by xomarebearxo on Feb 26, 11 at 5:42am
  • Team Edward baby <3

    Submitted by unknown_chicky on Jan 4, 11 at 9:06am
  • Hahaha the sad thing is that this ones probably true.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 9:56am
  • twilight isnt bad.. but it sure isnt anything that everyone should be hard core obsessing over

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 3:43pm
  • 906: Amen to that!!!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:09pm
  • HAHAHAHA im def gonna do this on friday

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:56pm
  • Twilight sucks hitlers balls

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:18pm
  • Hahaha let me hollaaa at youu :)

    Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 9, 10 at 11:40am
  • in order to get lucky with a classy chick youd have to be team jacob :)

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:18pm
  • 6:26 Don't knock it til you tried it. You never know, you might like it.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:31pm
  • See, to appreciate Twilight, you have to know what it was made for: it's a mastrubation fantasy for 12-year old girls that don't know what sex is yet. -vhurka

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:43pm
  • Anyone who likes twilight is a piece of dogshit.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 10:34am
  • Cancer. Hhahahahahaha

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 28, 09 at 1:06pm
  • TWILIGHT AND EDWARD BOTH FUCKING SUCK DICKS!!!!!!

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 28, 09 at 1:56am
  • Haha this reminds me of my friend. She'd do anything for an Edward fan.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 9:37am
  • Sorry I mean 9:54. Not 1:14

    Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 22, 09 at 7:49pm
  • I'm a chick and I still laughed my ass off at this one, cuz I WOULD totally go for either of those lines (even if I knew you were lying just to get laid).

    Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 22, 09 at 5:16pm
  • that stupid feminist being 11:40

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 11:40pm
  • got to get her in bed somehow...i guess lying about some shit movie and cancer is the only way he can get women. lol gg at least you got some.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:01pm
  • 6:45--Dude, fatties are so grateful to be getting any you can be really rough and violent with them. Any shame you might feel from dishing out such brutal punishment to a hot girl is totally out the window.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:52pm
  • You're a bad person.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 12:25pm
  • you all need to go get laid or something..this shit is pathetic

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 4:05am
  • 6:12 No, it's because the whole twighlight series is targeted towards emos and homosexual/bisexual people.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:16pm
  • 1:14 go fuck yourself, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GOD YOU FUCKING CHODEWAGON.

    Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 22, 09 at 7:48pm
  • Da 502!!!!

    Submitted by PCB on Apr 11, 11 at 9:07pm
  • ... So the lion fell in love with the lamb. -Edward

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:07pm
  • @7:00: ass flesh isn't that worthless. it's good for spankin'

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:43pm
  • In order to get lucky with a classy chick, you have to be someone who hates twilight

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:35pm
  • i like this one. it's funny. but damn it makes girls look stupid.

    Submitted by criticalcrass on Jul 26, 10 at 12:36pm
  • btw sayin you have cancer and dont is very foolish...be careful with what you wish for.....i wouldnt advice you to do it again.....and to say that just to get some thats pretty sad .....you really need to concider gettin closer to your faith and God...God bless you all ....

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 5:14pm
  • Fuck team lestat. Team Marius all the way

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:23pm
  • 1:06 Hope you get it , dickhead

    Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 28, 09 at 2:08pm
  • I should try that if I ever get dumped again.

    Submitted by forbiddenhero on Aug 11, 10 at 11:52am