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  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:12pm

    I don't even get the New Moon jokes--is it because I'm not 14?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:12pm

    Haha that's so fucked up. But I'm forreal gettin tired of this new moon shit

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:29pm

    I read the books, watched the movies. They're good, but not good enough to get obsessed with over. *And vampires shouldn't sparkle

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:19pm

    woooowww you don't joke about cancer. period.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:20pm

    I'm slightly bisexual, and I don't give a shit about the twilight series. The only reason I even watched the first movie was because my girlfriend was into it, and watching it with her got me laid.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:01pm

    7:00, you are my hero.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:31pm

    if some guy told me he was team edward, i would just tell him to go join edward in the closet. twilights just a turnoff for me.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:12pm

    Wtf is team Edward...?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:54pm

    Is it weird that I'm more offended that someone would stoop to pretending to like twilight, and not about the fake cancer thing? I mean in away it's all the same though right, twlight=cancer.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:09pm

    906: Amen to that!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:54pm

    7:50 She doesn't jump off a cliff to kill herself. Cliff diving actually is fun. Try it some time. Just be smart about it and not jump in the ocean during a storm. That was her mistake.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:45pm

    I'd rather fuck a fat chick.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 28, 09 at 1:06pm

    Cancer. Hhahahahahaha

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 4:23pm

    Maybe if he did cock pushups he wouldn't lie to get laid

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:58pm

    the fact that you have to say shit like this to get laid says a lot about your game

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:17pm

    6:16, Try again. twilight is targeted toward mainly teenage girls or women

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 12, 09 at 1:20pm

    hahahahaha i'd fall for it. and i'd like it.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:18pm

    Twilight sucks hitlers balls

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 10:49am

    Edward Cullen is so pale because there's no sun in the closet.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:25pm

    Nothing like subtle sexual innuendos targeting 10 year olds to make you realize how sad and pathetic this twipedophilia really

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:00pm

    7:04 and 7:52. I'm right there with ya

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 4:45pm

    all of you that hate twlight....give gurls a break...finally there is a movie mostley gurls...all the other movies have always hot gurls in it and the boyfriends look like crap.....NOW ITS OUR TURN.......

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:53pm

    Hey Jeff, I don't get it!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 1:51am

    Great txt. I can see this one actually being part of a conversation

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 12:00pm

    Two cancerous tumors walk into a bar...

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:06pm

    it's clever, it's funny, if u don't like like it take ur bitching somewhere else cause these are the texts that make this site worth it. and to all that are saying the cancer reference makes it offensive, go ahead and step out of fantasyland and realize not all jokes are clean. Jesus

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:50pm

    To 7:39 Mindlessly bashing for no other reason than to piss off the people who like it is bad true. Of course if the thing they like is bad your only saveing them. Why is it bad? When he leaves her She jumps off a fuckin cliff! Please tell me that dosent send mixed messages.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:52pm

    6:45--Dude, fatties are so grateful to be getting any you can be really rough and violent with them. Any shame you might feel from dishing out such brutal punishment to a hot girl is totally out the window.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 29, 09 at 12:56am

    Wow, all you fucking losers spending your time insulting people you will NEVER FUCKING MEET. Go do something with your useless lives.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 21, 09 at 1:56am

    Lol girls are fucking dumb.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 11:40pm

    go suck a cock, stupid feminist and tell the rest of your people if they want equality they shouldnt gobble up stupid vampire teendrama shit

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 10:21pm

    Was it worth the STDs OP?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:48pm

    See, that piece of shit movie can still be very useful. 1 on the cancer, always an ace.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 27, 09 at 5:27am

    Oh and also 4:46 Shit the fuck up??? Learn to spell before you attempt to insult me

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 1:58pm

    cancer inst something to joke about

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:18pm

    in order to get lucky with a classy chick youd have to be team jacob :)

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:28pm

    good point 8:23. but lestat also became the lead singer of a band. yum.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:58pm

    6:53, your mind has now been fucked. I win.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:40pm

    That will still revoke your man card. Pussy

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:20pm

    im not 14 and im not a homosexual or a bisexual person and i like the twilight series so suck a dick

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:02pm

    Okay yes all the little girls obsessed with twilight is lame, but the books are still great and the story line is good, people talking shit on here are the lame ones.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:45pm

    6:36 - PREACH THE GOSPEL.

  • 59 73
    Submitted by PCB on Apr 11, 11 at 9:07pm

    Da 502!!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 28, 09 at 1:57am

    THE BIBLE HATES NEW MOON!!! Isiaih 1:14. look it up.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 12:43pm

    Haha it's funny cause it's prolly true

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 3:15am

    FUCK TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 9:37am

    Haha this reminds me of my friend. She'd do anything for an Edward fan.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:45pm

    Why do ppl get so serious about this stuff? It's funny

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:50pm

    In Soviet Russia, team Edward is YOU!!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 4:55am

    To 11:30, I wish I could suck my own cock because then I would save a shit ton of money by blowing myself instead of taking out stupid bitches like you hoping you put out but you won't. Get over yourself. This shit is funny and the fact you got butt hurt over a stupid piece of shit movie with a horrible plot and horrible acting is sad.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:56pm

    HAHAHAHA im def gonna do this on friday

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:50pm

    get a grip the JOKE was funny never dissed cancer the sister part was the punch line

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 2:10am

    1:32 you're obviously an inbred

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:27pm

    I have cancer and this shit is funny

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:52pm

    You are on this site too. So if you take offence to this, you should take a long look in the mirror cause you are just as fucked up as this guy. But well done sir.

  • 69 99
    Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 4, 10 at 3:21pm

    Saying you're team Edward will get you so much ass. I'm a girl and I'd give it up to any guy that team Edward. Or at least some good head.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 1:32am

    6:20 - 6:22 you're obviously Emo.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:11pm

    Gotta love Louisville, Ky

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:18pm

    Relax people he never joked about cancer, he lied about having it to get laid. Think about all the lies you told to get into someones pants. Nuff said.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 16, 09 at 9:52pm

    OH MY GOOOD!!!! THAT IS FUCKING FUNNY!!!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 6:39pm

    Awww what a pathetic bitch.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 5:14pm

    btw sayin you have cancer and dont is very foolish...be careful with what you wish for.....i wouldnt advice you to do it again.....and to say that just to get some thats pretty sad .....you really need to concider gettin closer to your faith and God...God bless you all ....

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:22pm

    Does anyone think that trueblood is like an adult version of twilight, but almost as weak, and equally geared towards women?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 3:22am

    Yeahhhhhhhhhh Louisville!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:49pm

    If a girl fell for the Edward line she deserves this asshole. For using cancer as a sex trick, this asshole deserves to be slapped in his face.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 24, 09 at 3:12pm

    i told her same thing.... head only :(

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 5:26pm

    Edward is my looooooove!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha I guess that would work...lol

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:31pm

    6:26 Don't knock it til you tried it. You never know, you might like it.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 5:30am

    11:18 Perhaps, but Marius liked to study people and thier different times so it's hard to say.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:18pm

    10:12- but if marius is so old and has seen everything, don't you think he would be bored with you? i stand by lestat.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:07pm

    ... So the lion fell in love with the lamb. -Edward

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:36pm

    tell her anything you want as long as you get some pussy out of it

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 12:25pm

    You're a bad person.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 6:06am

    4:55 shut the fuck up

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 27, 09 at 4:46am

    Hey 6:06 how about you shit the fuck up. You just proved their point. How does it feel to be a bitch?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 9:56am

    Hahaha the sad thing is that this ones probably true.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 9:41am

    For fuck sake why can't people just face facts , some people like twilight and some people don't , get over it .

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:24pm

    U guys who r bashing twilight r only hurting urselves. It is catnip 4 girls.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:43pm

    See, to appreciate Twilight, you have to know what it was made for: it's a mastrubation fantasy for 12-year old girls that don't know what sex is yet. -vhurka

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:23pm

    best ever! major props

  • 61 96
    Submitted by xomarebearxo on Feb 26, 11 at 5:42am

    What's the big deal about the twilight saga? "ooh, I'm a vampire! Fear my glitter!" What the actual fuck?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 11:30pm

    Every guy on this website is a motherfucking pig. I hope you all choke and die on your own penises when you try to give yourselves head because you obviously get no action otherwise.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:40pm

    I actually LOLd at this

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:22pm

    I love Twilight, but people take it TOO far sometimes.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:37pm

    everyone who did not laugh at this is totally lame. this most likely isn't real. but its funny. and I like it.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:04pm

    The guy above me is super mad. What a bitch

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 28, 09 at 2:08pm

    1:06 Hope you get it , dickhead

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 22, 09 at 7:48pm

    1:14 go fuck yourself, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GOD YOU FUCKING CHODEWAGON.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 29, 09 at 8:44pm

    I think I am more pathetic than all of u being I actually took the time to keep reading this nonsense, I could have jis kept fkn my girl I stead of reading this during our intermission......

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 10:12pm

    Yea but lestat won't be a child of the millenia for at least another 700 years or so, think of all the things Marius has seen.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 9:52pm

    YOU SOLD YOUR FUCKING SOUL YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. I HOPE YOU DIE OF CANCER JUST FOR THE IRONY BECAUSE YOU'D DESERVE IT.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 6:16pm

    6:12 No, it's because the whole twighlight series is targeted towards emos and homosexual/bisexual people.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 6:09am

    Feel pretty sorry for you if you need to say these things and bullshit your way just to get sex ,pathetic

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:21pm

    7:50. U don't get it and ur the joke

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 22, 09 at 7:49pm

    Sorry I mean 9:54. Not 1:14

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 30, 09 at 10:05am

    Thing 1- I bet you would get it faster if you told her you sparkle in the sunlight too. Thing 2- Lying about cancer for sex is 800,000,000 times better than lying about AIDS. Plus, a girl who actually didn't want to have sex with you at all would not have fallen for the cancer lie. Cancer or no cancer, if I am not into it, it is not going into me.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 9, 10 at 11:40am

    Hahaha let me hollaaa at youu :)

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:52pm

    amen, 7:04. rice is so much better. *team lestat*

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 27, 09 at 5:25am

    4:46 What point did he prove exactly ? And how do you know I'm a girl? Dickhead

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 28, 09 at 1:56am

    TWILIGHT AND EDWARD BOTH FUCKING SUCK DICKS!!!!!!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:39pm

    I hope that this person does realize that he had sex with a 10 year old.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:39pm

    By bashing a series or anything for that matter, shows how immature and ignorant you are. Let people like what they like. Bashing people on what they like it so stupid.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 22, 09 at 5:16pm

    I'm a chick and I still laughed my ass off at this one, cuz I WOULD totally go for either of those lines (even if I knew you were lying just to get laid).

  • 48 86
    Submitted by criticalcrass on Jul 26, 10 at 12:36pm

    i like this one. it's funny. but damn it makes girls look stupid.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:23pm

    Fuck team lestat. Team Marius all the way

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Dec 4, 09 at 9:54am

    Isaiah 1:14 Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hateth: they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:40pm

    Is this your subtle way of telling us that you got with a ten year old?

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 10:34am

    Anyone who likes twilight is a piece of dogshit.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 8:43pm

    @7:00: ass flesh isn't that worthless. it's good for spankin'

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 7:43pm

    Yeah, cancers fucking hilarious. FAIL, LOSER!

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:35pm

    In order to get lucky with a classy chick, you have to be someone who hates twilight

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 24, 09 at 11:01pm

    got to get her in bed somehow...i guess lying about some shit movie and cancer is the only way he can get women. lol gg at least you got some.

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 26, 09 at 4:05am

    you all need to go get laid or something..this shit is pathetic

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 11:40pm

    that stupid feminist being 11:40

  • Submitted by unknown_chicky on Jan 4, 11 at 9:06am

    Team Edward baby <3

  • Submitted by Anonymous on Nov 25, 09 at 3:43pm

    twilight isnt bad.. but it sure isnt anything that everyone should be hard core obsessing over

  • Submitted by forbiddenhero on Aug 11, 10 at 11:52am

    I should try that if I ever get dumped again.