phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
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haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's just like the Real World with babies
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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