Texts From Last Night

raymond74's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it. http://tfl.nu/klgn
  Replies (8) Good night (5862) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today. http://tfl.nu/g96b
  Replies (10) Good night (3163) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow. http://tfl.nu/0l2h
  Replies (6) Good night (3468) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation. http://tfl.nu/fqo6
  Replies (10) Good night (3340) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground http://tfl.nu/kjbx
  Replies (7) Good night (2928) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game http://tfl.nu/8vak
  Replies (5) Good night (3323) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting. http://tfl.nu/6icw
  Replies (15) Good night (5511) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today? http://tfl.nu/ptoy
  Replies (39) Good night (5643) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis. http://tfl.nu/7xur
  Replies (30) Good night (5808) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke http://tfl.nu/pyjl
  Replies (15) Good night (2898) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours. http://tfl.nu/wqf0
  Replies (15) Good night (2696) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok" http://tfl.nu/q772
  Replies (19) Good night (3839) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  then she stuck her tongue in my ass

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): then she stuck her tongue in my ass (1-515): I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her? http://tfl.nu/wzc5
  Replies (17) Good night (3435) Bad night (1784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979
  Replies (40) Good night (7985) Bad night (2078)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago" http://tfl.nu/h89t
  Replies (45) Good night (1719) Bad night (7490)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year" http://tfl.nu/hf6v
  Replies (9) Good night (978) Bad night (6011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb
  Replies (30) Good night (14118) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly. http://tfl.nu/sulv
  Replies (20) Good night (5984) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (12453) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts. http://tfl.nu/7tmi
  Replies (36) Good night (9000) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.

  (1-916): View more from California

  your optimism is becoming unhealthy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day. (1-916): your optimism is becoming unhealthy http://tfl.nu/nzqt
  Replies (9) Good night (4042) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days. http://tfl.nu/quks
  Replies (42) Good night (5343) Bad night (1168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation... http://tfl.nu/uas5
  Replies (23) Good night (4287) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/md62
  Replies (16) Good night (4288) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT. http://tfl.nu/gdsf
  Replies (6) Good night (4844) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes" http://tfl.nu/05z7
  Replies (15) Good night (4711) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one....... http://tfl.nu/w37i
  Replies (67) Good night (2327) Bad night (8611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex. http://tfl.nu/rq63
  Replies (11) Good night (3821) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg... http://tfl.nu/nasy
  Replies (43) Good night (2211) Bad night (6076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): 1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while http://tfl.nu/u6qo
  Replies (17) Good night (918) Bad night (6747)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning. http://tfl.nu/70c1
  Replies (14) Good night (4819) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa? http://tfl.nu/j68l
  Replies (7) Good night (3330) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside http://tfl.nu/d6yu
  Replies (13) Good night (8848) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear. http://tfl.nu/48r4
  Replies (14) Good night (3149) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care http://tfl.nu/lqt5
  Replies (7) Good night (3569) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time http://tfl.nu/hxad
  Replies (19) Good night (5173) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n (617): Why am I even shocked you're doing this.... http://tfl.nu/y7yp
  Replies (11) Good night (5687) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/7o6u
  Replies (8) Good night (5133) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time. http://tfl.nu/1zig
  Replies (23) Good night (4672) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness http://tfl.nu/7ruk
  Replies (32) Good night (1687) Bad night (4364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut http://tfl.nu/7c6t
  Replies (19) Good night (5331) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome. http://tfl.nu/zzpw
  Replies (25) Good night (6350) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate http://tfl.nu/io2z
  Replies (19) Good night (1048) Bad night (3132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire http://tfl.nu/j9c5
  Replies (3) Good night (2958) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97
  Replies (24) Good night (5395) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8646) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this? http://tfl.nu/woh0
  Replies (9) Good night (5021) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf
  Replies (15) Good night (6333) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going. http://tfl.nu/db5s
  Replies (20) Good night (4395) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out http://tfl.nu/oush
  Replies (12) Good night (5759) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle http://tfl.nu/wl70
  Replies (9) Good night (3504) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college http://tfl.nu/2nnj
  Replies (12) Good night (4210) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies. http://tfl.nu/1bgy
  Replies (29) Good night (973) Bad night (6188)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight. http://tfl.nu/kfwj
  Replies (9) Good night (4874) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  That bad?

  (1-805): View more from California

  Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): That bad? (1-805): Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding. http://tfl.nu/ntsx
  Replies (14) Good night (605) Bad night (4344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name. http://tfl.nu/cvf5
  Replies (18) Good night (6114) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester http://tfl.nu/u653
  Replies (10) Good night (9016) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex http://tfl.nu/5t79
  Replies (17) Good night (5433) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  did u get his digits?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): did u get his digits? (201): yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone... http://tfl.nu/pvtx
  Replies (8) Good night (4685) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great http://tfl.nu/5yg0
  Replies (8) Good night (1098) Bad night (3147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (10978) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (365): View more from

  Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (365): Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine http://tfl.nu/mm7j
  Replies (12) Good night (4332) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man. http://tfl.nu/3qrw
  Replies (8) Good night (4696) Bad night (1558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her. http://tfl.nu/1rnx
  Replies (10) Good night (5690) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again... http://tfl.nu/jy0r
  Replies (17) Good night (4556) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense http://tfl.nu/p2yr
  Replies (26) Good night (7974) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE http://tfl.nu/0vv1
  Replies (71) Good night (5257) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out http://tfl.nu/5zdd
  Replies (44) Good night (1128) Bad night (4648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up http://tfl.nu/zwwo
  Replies (14) Good night (811) Bad night (5398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/f3x3
  Replies (7) Good night (3989) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing" http://tfl.nu/9hoo
  Replies (10) Good night (5021) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot http://tfl.nu/u2s7
  Replies (8) Good night (4032) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us. http://tfl.nu/mqg9
  Replies (2) Good night (3872) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang. http://tfl.nu/ryqf
  Replies (8) Good night (3089) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store http://tfl.nu/0ult
  Replies (25) Good night (4417) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue http://tfl.nu/sfb5
  Replies (4) Good night (3277) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester. http://tfl.nu/skng
  Replies (13) Good night (5679) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem http://tfl.nu/9xlk
  Replies (16) Good night (4970) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (876): View more from Jamaica

  After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (876): After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone http://tfl.nu/ammv
  Replies (32) Good night (7994) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having. http://tfl.nu/q5k9
  Replies (17) Good night (3431) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends.. http://tfl.nu/z85j
  Replies (9) Good night (4866) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes. http://tfl.nu/s6gu
  Replies (17) Good night (4541) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  story of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were? (224): story of my life. http://tfl.nu/syxz
  Replies (15) Good night (2312) Bad night (3831)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream. http://tfl.nu/rule
  Replies (12) Good night (5029) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do http://tfl.nu/7olq
  Replies (5) Good night (4930) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately. http://tfl.nu/vwdv
  Replies (9) Good night (5278) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song http://tfl.nu/watz
  Replies (29) Good night (3804) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is. http://tfl.nu/ejf0
  Replies (12) Good night (4835) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace. http://tfl.nu/37qg
  Replies (18) Good night (3389) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us http://tfl.nu/zfzd
  Replies (28) Good night (4986) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had http://tfl.nu/qmkc
  Replies (46) Good night (4549) Bad night (1410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant http://tfl.nu/lnj1
  Replies (40) Good night (4645) Bad night (1263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night. http://tfl.nu/1jxg
  Replies (9) Good night (3880) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again. http://tfl.nu/ku6h
  Replies (15) Good night (3085) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad http://tfl.nu/ilsx
  Replies (19) Good night (966) Bad night (2572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school

  (1-914): View more from New York

  oh right the one that ends on your bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school (1-914): oh right the one that ends on your bed http://tfl.nu/wrnw
  Replies (7) Good night (5874) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow. http://tfl.nu/11lx
  Replies (12) Good night (3412) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us.. http://tfl.nu/3ryz
  Replies (11) Good night (4505) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost http://tfl.nu/fd0l
  Replies (5) Good night (3434) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense http://tfl.nu/p3xl
  Replies (11) Good night (5946) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (19437) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box. http://tfl.nu/2fsf
  Replies (23) Good night (6527) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide. http://tfl.nu/t1va
  Replies (11) Good night (4033) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive. http://tfl.nu/785o
  Replies (8) Good night (4259) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Why is your signature on my underwear?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Why is your signature on my underwear? http://tfl.nu/8itl
  Replies (19) Good night (5832) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night... http://tfl.nu/p0ds
  Replies (25) Good night (2156) Bad night (4194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on. http://tfl.nu/viag
  Replies (11) Good night (3855) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band" http://tfl.nu/p9bm
  Replies (10) Good night (3335) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN? http://tfl.nu/rsqz
  Replies (50) Good night (5618) Bad night (1753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral... http://tfl.nu/9wf7
  Replies (28) Good night (4852) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed. http://tfl.nu/zn3p
  Replies (22) Good night (4886) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking http://tfl.nu/a0v5
  Replies (11) Good night (3302) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards? http://tfl.nu/6kdc
  Replies (11) Good night (3488) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money" http://tfl.nu/engr
  Replies (13) Good night (5954) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks! http://tfl.nu/bdkz
  Replies (11) Good night (2913) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit. http://tfl.nu/afy7
  Replies (14) Good night (6604) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor

  (1-516): View more from New York

  did you bang her?

  (516): View more from New York

  seriously?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor (1-516): did you bang her? (516): seriously? http://tfl.nu/fyme
  Replies (25) Good night (1557) Bad night (5905)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience. http://tfl.nu/d64j
  Replies (3) Good night (3793) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice... http://tfl.nu/x7so
  Replies (7) Good night (3987) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot. http://tfl.nu/vxu1
  Replies (9) Good night (4014) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  i flashed his best friends last night

  (1-416): View more from Toronto

  you always were good at making good first impressions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): i flashed his best friends last night (1-416): you always were good at making good first impressions http://tfl.nu/b564
  Replies (10) Good night (3529) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night. http://tfl.nu/d1vk
  Replies (5) Good night (3448) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.

  (352): View more from Florida

  And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye. (352): And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave. http://tfl.nu/f5gq
  Replies (8) Good night (4671) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila." http://tfl.nu/how1
  Replies (25) Good night (5046) Bad night (2121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up. http://tfl.nu/p2q9
  Replies (14) Good night (3024) Bad night (1627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (5640) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation http://tfl.nu/fra5
  Replies (15) Good night (4010) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door. http://tfl.nu/hvfb
  Replies (6) Good night (6790) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (25111) Bad night (1926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it. http://tfl.nu/2i57
  Replies (42) Good night (3868) Bad night (4150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities. http://tfl.nu/3lte
  Replies (17) Good night (6881) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th. http://tfl.nu/pukg
  Replies (8) Good night (3980) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen http://tfl.nu/f9bs
  Replies (4) Good night (3433) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already. http://tfl.nu/ffp6
  Replies (18) Good night (4518) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her" http://tfl.nu/oma3
  Replies (16) Good night (4639) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (65) Good night (12075) Bad night (1901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles http://tfl.nu/47mn
  Replies (16) Good night (4955) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently

  (540): View more from Virginia

  and skipped dinner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): 3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently (540): and skipped dinner http://tfl.nu/igda
  Replies (21) Good night (926) Bad night (4251)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship. http://tfl.nu/7io7
  Replies (10) Good night (547) Bad night (3885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
  Replies (20) Good night (8228) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism http://tfl.nu/6czv
  Replies (8) Good night (3568) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one... http://tfl.nu/z7kq
  Replies (13) Good night (5513) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Fuck you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right? (571): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/jxij
  Replies (13) Good night (3955) Bad night (1596)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  a search helicopter?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): a search helicopter?! http://tfl.nu/5l8d
  Replies (25) Good night (4970) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job. http://tfl.nu/800g
  Replies (25) Good night (4654) Bad night (3308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them. http://tfl.nu/w51l
  Replies (20) Good night (3514) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now http://tfl.nu/4db9
  Replies (31) Good night (9102) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..." http://tfl.nu/w3wh
  Replies (17) Good night (5627) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex. http://tfl.nu/ci3t
  Replies (23) Good night (4440) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext http://tfl.nu/49np
  Replies (22) Good night (5994) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops. http://tfl.nu/2l9n
  Replies (11) Good night (4312) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd
  Replies (31) Good night (10513) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive. http://tfl.nu/o6oy
  Replies (6) Good night (3731) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn" http://tfl.nu/8vnd
  Replies (19) Good night (770) Bad night (5232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out http://tfl.nu/cxh0
  Replies (8) Good night (3761) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch http://tfl.nu/datu
  Replies (14) Good night (3919) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
  Replies (33) Good night (8304) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College." http://tfl.nu/3hlg
  Replies (11) Good night (7790) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub. http://tfl.nu/91f9
  Replies (20) Good night (5207) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two. http://tfl.nu/ya0u
  Replies (31) Good night (6277) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon http://tfl.nu/xv5b
  Replies (12) Good night (1670) Bad night (2224)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz
  Replies (31) Good night (9948) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO. http://tfl.nu/9byh
  Replies (28) Good night (3987) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access. http://tfl.nu/o23q
  Replies (26) Good night (3658) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters http://tfl.nu/8485
  Replies (82) Good night (10722) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok. http://tfl.nu/maiz
  Replies (20) Good night (4542) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS http://tfl.nu/1k5d
  Replies (34) Good night (7741) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10393) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson" http://tfl.nu/itij
  Replies (11) Good night (7162) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job http://tfl.nu/ruqn
  Replies (13) Good night (3594) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast http://tfl.nu/b4kl
  Replies (37) Good night (6450) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something. http://tfl.nu/o9mn
  Replies (11) Good night (3398) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you. http://tfl.nu/15wm
  Replies (19) Good night (5990) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic? http://tfl.nu/satp
  Replies (23) Good night (3942) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy" http://tfl.nu/s0u1
  Replies (14) Good night (3820) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text? http://tfl.nu/28br
  Replies (8) Good night (3891) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant? http://tfl.nu/3x8e
  Replies (5) Good night (3489) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/lss6
  Replies (25) Good night (5631) Bad night (3284)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now http://tfl.nu/up7f
  Replies (17) Good night (4413) Bad night (1437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen.. http://tfl.nu/c7n8
  Replies (14) Good night (5034) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night http://tfl.nu/dx83
  Replies (26) Good night (4665) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole. http://tfl.nu/0oq5
  Replies (13) Good night (4505) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

  (914): View more from New York

  Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem (914): Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty. http://tfl.nu/8j05
  Replies (53) Good night (6969) Bad night (2033)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM http://tfl.nu/ckuz
  Replies (34) Good night (7499) Bad night (1426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes. http://tfl.nu/jzo6
  Replies (6) Good night (4117) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy http://tfl.nu/hjxb
  Replies (30) Good night (5153) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy http://tfl.nu/rglc
  Replies (22) Good night (4609) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date? http://tfl.nu/cigl
  Replies (16) Good night (3599) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual. http://tfl.nu/o9rr
  Replies (18) Good night (3737) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears. http://tfl.nu/acnv
  Replies (41) Good night (11954) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them http://tfl.nu/qx93
  Replies (13) Good night (3769) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/ecro
  Replies (21) Good night (5557) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me http://tfl.nu/lmdm
  Replies (20) Good night (6278) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are http://tfl.nu/vwno
  Replies (22) Good night (6854) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard. http://tfl.nu/47cs
  Replies (13) Good night (2976) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job http://tfl.nu/40rf
  Replies (62) Good night (6150) Bad night (1633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw http://tfl.nu/vicw
  Replies (74) Good night (4721) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers! http://tfl.nu/0unq
  Replies (28) Good night (5979) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization. http://tfl.nu/1m6d
  Replies (16) Good night (8131) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you. http://tfl.nu/fmxs
  Replies (38) Good night (7412) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (555): View more from

  She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.

  (555): View more from

  Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (555): She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome. (555): Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there. http://tfl.nu/h5mq
  Replies (13) Good night (3162) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/q010
  Replies (47) Good night (5751) Bad night (4335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (11695) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys. http://tfl.nu/g37d
  Replies (307) Good night (10619) Bad night (5241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically. http://tfl.nu/2hl3
  Replies (32) Good night (3802) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund http://tfl.nu/o6j0
  Replies (5) Good night (2210) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right? http://tfl.nu/9kx0
  Replies (22) Good night (4000) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him? http://tfl.nu/p8ua
  Replies (8) Good night (3564) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships. http://tfl.nu/filq
  Replies (10) Good night (3537) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  K. On the way. I need a drink.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Like a drink drink or like water?

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Have we met?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): K. On the way. I need a drink. (904): Like a drink drink or like water? (601): Have we met? http://tfl.nu/ckaw
  Replies (10) Good night (5739) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/nb18
  Replies (8) Good night (3246) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it. http://tfl.nu/1cxu
  Replies (26) Good night (7174) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner. (419): you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio. http://tfl.nu/k9v1
  Replies (26) Good night (4072) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (15456) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter http://tfl.nu/ikrf
  Replies (5) Good night (3473) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away http://tfl.nu/h2fc
  Replies (11) Good night (4896) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  it's great music for shaving your balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): it's great music for shaving your balls http://tfl.nu/etrw
  Replies (24) Good night (3559) Bad night (1397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night? http://tfl.nu/cew2
  Replies (16) Good night (3721) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?" http://tfl.nu/pevk
  Replies (33) Good night (3034) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/2spc
  Replies (12) Good night (3864) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot. (1-651): called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck. http://tfl.nu/1omb
  Replies (18) Good night (5533) Bad night (1122)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling

  (1-239): View more from Florida

  You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling (1-239): You hooked up with minors in a golf cart? http://tfl.nu/sx7k
  Replies (7) Good night (3924) Bad night (807)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs. http://tfl.nu/jfp1
  Replies (24) Good night (4610) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate. http://tfl.nu/tob7
  Replies (18) Good night (5055) Bad night (1622)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.

  (347): View more from New York

  Something to remember me by.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet. (347): Something to remember me by. http://tfl.nu/ual5
  Replies (6) Good night (2328) Bad night (1647)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it. http://tfl.nu/d686
  Replies (31) Good night (4896) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on http://tfl.nu/dgug
  Replies (23) Good night (4952) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas. http://tfl.nu/5tys
  Replies (23) Good night (3657) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex http://tfl.nu/r82f
  Replies (3) Good night (3603) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step. http://tfl.nu/6g1i
  Replies (15) Good night (6084) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  This beer is not sobering me up at all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): This beer is not sobering me up at all http://tfl.nu/2fz8
  Replies (13) Good night (7286) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had http://tfl.nu/siqb
  Replies (11) Good night (2838) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  lets call myth busters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot (1-305): lets call myth busters http://tfl.nu/n34m
  Replies (22) Good night (5939) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete. http://tfl.nu/s0lg
  Replies (22) Good night (4820) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there. http://tfl.nu/8ypv
  Replies (24) Good night (3854) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way http://tfl.nu/ldbl
  Replies (22) Good night (4800) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready. http://tfl.nu/z83a
  Replies (9) Good night (4646) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!! http://tfl.nu/krm8
  Replies (20) Good night (6244) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head. http://tfl.nu/4ro8
  Replies (27) Good night (8315) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (16568) Bad night (927)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones. http://tfl.nu/f4fy
  Replies (24) Good night (4556) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless. http://tfl.nu/hrpm
  Replies (15) Good night (2663) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW" http://tfl.nu/hdte
  Replies (28) Good night (6335) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (6558) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show? http://tfl.nu/56pk
  Replies (27) Good night (3897) Bad night (1963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/0pt9
  Replies (9) Good night (3758) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina. http://tfl.nu/3vsv
  Replies (78) Good night (2160) Bad night (7723)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility http://tfl.nu/kdjh
  Replies (11) Good night (3141) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america. http://tfl.nu/700m
  Replies (16) Good night (3619) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots" http://tfl.nu/28dj
  Replies (11) Good night (5054) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months http://tfl.nu/y63w
  Replies (20) Good night (4109) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets." http://tfl.nu/13ll
  Replies (17) Good night (7076) Bad night (770)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse. http://tfl.nu/5mjb
  Replies (8) Good night (4323) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (21132) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT http://tfl.nu/ci1u
  Replies (17) Good night (5373) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat. http://tfl.nu/m2ko
  Replies (9) Good night (4840) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library http://tfl.nu/vcd5
  Replies (5) Good night (3690) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he thanks me after handjobs.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  you found the perfect man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he thanks me after handjobs. (1-203): you found the perfect man. http://tfl.nu/eh9t
  Replies (43) Good night (4734) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/6dfu
  Replies (24) Good night (6906) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics http://tfl.nu/lc06
  Replies (9) Good night (1053) Bad night (2934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just hotboxed my laundry basket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I just hotboxed my laundry basket. http://tfl.nu/rt8k
  Replies (11) Good night (3033) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy" http://tfl.nu/ekfn
  Replies (9) Good night (1177) Bad night (3627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis. http://tfl.nu/xpx8
  Replies (9) Good night (1305) Bad night (4376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented. http://tfl.nu/9hus
  Replies (25) Good night (8353) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless. http://tfl.nu/v2dr
  Replies (36) Good night (4210) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried. http://tfl.nu/cyhc
  Replies (12) Good night (731) Bad night (4730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know. http://tfl.nu/dzr5
  Replies (15) Good night (6441) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice.... http://tfl.nu/0ncm
  Replies (10) Good night (5522) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road? http://tfl.nu/ir52
  Replies (22) Good night (9530) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely". http://tfl.nu/dfux
  Replies (18) Good night (3983) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens. http://tfl.nu/zmnj
  Replies (18) Good night (6333) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook. http://tfl.nu/t8ot
  Replies (11) Good night (4148) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..." http://tfl.nu/m7yq
  Replies (12) Good night (3096) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting. http://tfl.nu/jzvn
  Replies (26) Good night (4865) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril http://tfl.nu/m6dd
  Replies (21) Good night (4872) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel? http://tfl.nu/aqse
  Replies (21) Good night (855) Bad night (8239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front. http://tfl.nu/08qp
  Replies (9) Good night (7117) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13003) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand http://tfl.nu/4jef
  Replies (17) Good night (4966) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often http://tfl.nu/lo0b
  Replies (10) Good night (4248) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics. http://tfl.nu/u31h
  Replies (25) Good night (5270) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god. http://tfl.nu/ci1f
  Replies (10) Good night (5924) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea. http://tfl.nu/bfzd
  Replies (8) Good night (4014) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit. http://tfl.nu/udb7
  Replies (13) Good night (3449) Bad night (2156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (39) Good night (8929) Bad night (2935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  So you had sex with my brother?

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): So you had sex with my brother? (1-520): It sounds like you dont need me to answer that. http://tfl.nu/xsv7
  Replies (8) Good night (5261) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys http://tfl.nu/w106
  Replies (14) Good night (2198) Bad night (4163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre. http://tfl.nu/5g13
  Replies (10) Good night (2686) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club http://tfl.nu/ln6l
  Replies (10) Good night (3228) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms. http://tfl.nu/aw2i
  Replies (38) Good night (6918) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute. http://tfl.nu/0bii
  Replies (6) Good night (2559) Bad night (764)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej
  Replies (60) Good night (2852) Bad night (8122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?! http://tfl.nu/8o3k
  Replies (17) Good night (1008) Bad night (4269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?" http://tfl.nu/rf85
  Replies (32) Good night (7585) Bad night (1375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex http://tfl.nu/6kmk
  Replies (23) Good night (957) Bad night (5399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  everybody makes mistakes

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): everybody makes mistakes (1-630): i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances http://tfl.nu/cihb
  Replies (23) Good night (6295) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.

  (562): View more from California

  You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.

  (714): View more from California

  Well someones bitter they didn't get any.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Hahaha you puked all over his shirt. (562): You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch. (714): Well someones bitter they didn't get any. http://tfl.nu/4mgl
  Replies (20) Good night (4871) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  He just wants an even tan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked. (1-860): He just wants an even tan http://tfl.nu/akk9
  Replies (18) Good night (3910) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.

  (949): View more from California

  she's my drunk super hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds. (949): she's my drunk super hero. http://tfl.nu/ngha
  Replies (17) Good night (5304) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first http://tfl.nu/owtg
  Replies (24) Good night (5938) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with http://tfl.nu/po8c
  Replies (23) Good night (6701) Bad night (1749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03
  Replies (97) Good night (3913) Bad night (9305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that. http://tfl.nu/jsxj
  Replies (10) Good night (5291) Bad night (1243)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together http://tfl.nu/y1xi
  Replies (16) Good night (3089) Bad night (1441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about http://tfl.nu/0nal
  Replies (12) Good night (5107) Bad night (932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included? http://tfl.nu/4lo3
  Replies (17) Good night (4820) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding http://tfl.nu/jewl
  Replies (8) Good night (3425) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!" http://tfl.nu/rva9
  Replies (5) Good night (990) Bad night (4422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  and it's going to stay that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other (413): and it's going to stay that way http://tfl.nu/bh5o
  Replies (11) Good night (510) Bad night (2653)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother http://tfl.nu/h33i
  Replies (2) Good night (1401) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (100) Good night (9762) Bad night (2578)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college. http://tfl.nu/20dw
  Replies (7) Good night (3352) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i really like this girl i slept with last night

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you ask her out again?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i really like this girl i slept with last night (202): you ask her out again? (703): yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married http://tfl.nu/y34d
  Replies (7) Good night (2525) Bad night (2083)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards http://tfl.nu/kggv
  Replies (7) Good night (2602) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him http://tfl.nu/bwdr
  Replies (21) Good night (6313) Bad night (1395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years. http://tfl.nu/9eix
  Replies (10) Good night (5940) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer http://tfl.nu/8v2s
  Replies (14) Good night (1387) Bad night (3123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded. http://tfl.nu/owwz
  Replies (30) Good night (4614) Bad night (3538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom. http://tfl.nu/uq6s
  Replies (22) Good night (6351) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome. http://tfl.nu/mczw
  Replies (16) Good night (7645) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by. http://tfl.nu/au1s
  Replies (16) Good night (4427) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him http://tfl.nu/x0sm
  Replies (31) Good night (1246) Bad night (6055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts? http://tfl.nu/w182
  Replies (21) Good night (8419) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single http://tfl.nu/hya7
  Replies (20) Good night (858) Bad night (4575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30 http://tfl.nu/ukox
  Replies (15) Good night (5772) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1
  Replies (12) Good night (9454) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm eager to hear this explaination.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog... (1-423): I'm eager to hear this explaination. http://tfl.nu/jgrb
  Replies (15) Good night (4369) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder. http://tfl.nu/z8u4
  Replies (49) Good night (6251) Bad night (2134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack. (1-253): What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited http://tfl.nu/n0ma
  Replies (13) Good night (5074) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  there were a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am... (1-918): there were a lot. http://tfl.nu/x7ld
  Replies (29) Good night (6113) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game. http://tfl.nu/jamc
  Replies (18) Good night (4687) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  someone was throwing condoms at us.

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, they just magically show up around you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): someone was throwing condoms at us. (1-401): no, they just magically show up around you. http://tfl.nu/lgd4
  Replies (8) Good night (3662) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons. http://tfl.nu/oech
  Replies (17) Good night (7254) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass. http://tfl.nu/6q4x
  Replies (27) Good night (10936) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me. http://tfl.nu/ej9i
  Replies (17) Good night (6202) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.

  (818): View more from California

  And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas. (818): And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you. http://tfl.nu/hyux
  Replies (14) Good night (5153) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her http://tfl.nu/n8un
  Replies (10) Good night (4514) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what to do

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  with your life?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i dont know what to do (1-732): with your life? (732): no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3 http://tfl.nu/i8yp
  Replies (17) Good night (4688) Bad night (1924)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship http://tfl.nu/p7or
  Replies (15) Good night (3433) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek. http://tfl.nu/tra5
  Replies (20) Good night (5255) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  I don't have a cat..?

  (940): View more from Texas

  Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night (1-940): I don't have a cat..? (940): Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge. http://tfl.nu/uym0
  Replies (13) Good night (1228) Bad night (4775)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit http://tfl.nu/ux8z
  Replies (18) Good night (3648) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey. http://tfl.nu/dkad
  Replies (37) Good night (3536) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life. http://tfl.nu/eqwc
  Replies (34) Good night (1402) Bad night (3731)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless. http://tfl.nu/v4st
  Replies (9) Good night (5660) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Umm you met him three days ago....

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said what I said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for (215): Umm you met him three days ago.... (267): I said what I said http://tfl.nu/18h0
  Replies (30) Good night (7051) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Absence makes the cock grow harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Absence makes the cock grow harder. http://tfl.nu/yyl1
  Replies (17) Good night (6338) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  she pinky promised me she was 18

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): she pinky promised me she was 18 http://tfl.nu/cbo2
  Replies (67) Good night (7585) Bad night (2698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup. http://tfl.nu/otef
  Replies (13) Good night (3983) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink. http://tfl.nu/mebb
  Replies (29) Good night (4021) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk
  Replies (44) Good night (14017) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias. http://tfl.nu/4ikl
  Replies (8) Good night (5571) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Bad news is he broke up with me via text message

  (561): View more from Florida

  But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Bad news is he broke up with me via text message (561): But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville http://tfl.nu/1qx8
  Replies (28) Good night (6621) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now http://tfl.nu/052c
  Replies (12) Good night (4783) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know http://tfl.nu/k4xw
  Replies (11) Good night (3453) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out. http://tfl.nu/i2ji
  Replies (18) Good night (7913) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman. http://tfl.nu/wynx
  Replies (17) Good night (5889) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+33): On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..." http://tfl.nu/o65f
  Replies (26) Good night (7291) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this. http://tfl.nu/u3zd
  Replies (45) Good night (9506) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie? http://tfl.nu/tj9i
  Replies (83) Good night (5965) Bad night (1855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.

  (216): View more from Ohio

  whore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum. (216): whore http://tfl.nu/bo5h
  Replies (13) Good night (3693) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy
  Replies (28) Good night (10408) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous http://tfl.nu/iens
  Replies (15) Good night (4999) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows http://tfl.nu/rci2
  Replies (44) Good night (4188) Bad night (2438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl? http://tfl.nu/m6rn
  Replies (20) Good night (1001) Bad night (5780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days. http://tfl.nu/3yem
  Replies (18) Good night (6960) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?" http://tfl.nu/0sa8
  Replies (19) Good night (10138) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award http://tfl.nu/t3kf
  Replies (17) Good night (5663) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS http://tfl.nu/w0yg
  Replies (34) Good night (10189) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer. http://tfl.nu/ok9n
  Replies (16) Good night (4331) Bad night (1733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot http://tfl.nu/xdnv
  Replies (27) Good night (6682) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick? http://tfl.nu/mjo7
  Replies (25) Good night (6015) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...

  (425): View more from Washington

  Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies... (425): Let's let the open bar be the judge of that. http://tfl.nu/ch8t
  Replies (7) Good night (5404) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it! http://tfl.nu/y71c
  Replies (3) Good night (3793) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (03): View more from

  you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (03): you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!! http://tfl.nu/e67e
  Replies (18) Good night (6599) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror http://tfl.nu/1dr8
  Replies (14) Good night (5640) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls http://tfl.nu/n5en
  Replies (13) Good night (6667) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page. http://tfl.nu/lhck
  Replies (12) Good night (4122) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered. http://tfl.nu/02c6
  Replies (18) Good night (4144) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee. http://tfl.nu/4bjn
  Replies (18) Good night (4496) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love http://tfl.nu/knwu
  Replies (35) Good night (11783) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake http://tfl.nu/bl2k
  Replies (41) Good night (8404) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy http://tfl.nu/f2lx
  Replies (40) Good night (4438) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something http://tfl.nu/ax1a
  Replies (28) Good night (7191) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/m09q
  Replies (25) Good night (3725) Bad night (2291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  630.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains? (1-678): 630. http://tfl.nu/hncc
  Replies (22) Good night (6391) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on http://tfl.nu/bnty
  Replies (17) Good night (9781) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper http://tfl.nu/01yr
  Replies (16) Good night (3629) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you. http://tfl.nu/xn7n
  Replies (40) Good night (10799) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96139) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed.. http://tfl.nu/gr14
  Replies (57) Good night (1014) Bad night (5231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12113) Bad night (1154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her http://tfl.nu/jaz5
  Replies (39) Good night (8070) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him http://tfl.nu/pw5n
  Replies (35) Good night (6914) Bad night (1705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step http://tfl.nu/7m4i
  Replies (7) Good night (4261) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me http://tfl.nu/hyzr
  Replies (18) Good night (6055) Bad night (1012)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this. http://tfl.nu/hhg4
  Replies (12) Good night (1053) Bad night (2360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels. http://tfl.nu/lt6v
  Replies (19) Good night (4204) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college. http://tfl.nu/3hcf
  Replies (19) Good night (2281) Bad night (5690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages. http://tfl.nu/1djk
  Replies (27) Good night (964) Bad night (6851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving. http://tfl.nu/1pg2
  Replies (16) Good night (5356) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life? http://tfl.nu/8b6j
  Replies (20) Good night (4079) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil? http://tfl.nu/rel9
  Replies (22) Good night (4765) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave. http://tfl.nu/8ei2
  Replies (12) Good night (1299) Bad night (5518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex. http://tfl.nu/ugby
  Replies (20) Good night (5748) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises. http://tfl.nu/xfua
  Replies (68) Good night (14052) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school http://tfl.nu/yqnn
  Replies (27) Good night (4964) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (10735) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  You make shower sex sound like waterboarding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): You make shower sex sound like waterboarding http://tfl.nu/cy83
  Replies (28) Good night (3196) Bad night (2327) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decisions, decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions. http://tfl.nu/1ou5
  Replies (45) Good night (8301) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored. http://tfl.nu/j0xj
  Replies (8) Good night (4421) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out... (412): She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7. http://tfl.nu/j9aq
  Replies (11) Good night (3993) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance. http://tfl.nu/1cpz
  Replies (16) Good night (7888) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober. http://tfl.nu/eick
  Replies (13) Good night (6127) Bad night (1228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked http://tfl.nu/vpbr
  Replies (23) Good night (3866) Bad night (1376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete.. http://tfl.nu/bykt
  Replies (28) Good night (5025) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents. http://tfl.nu/6leg
  Replies (33) Good night (10233) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/zyub
  Replies (33) Good night (9928) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it. http://tfl.nu/6y9b
  Replies (36) Good night (5401) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette. http://tfl.nu/g97t
  Replies (26) Good night (1447) Bad night (4705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk. http://tfl.nu/mb8o
  Replies (37) Good night (909) Bad night (5171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction? http://tfl.nu/2awn
  Replies (22) Good night (3292) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him http://tfl.nu/h9ln
  Replies (22) Good night (5719) Bad night (1301)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough. http://tfl.nu/js6s
  Replies (19) Good night (5491) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin! http://tfl.nu/gtgt
  Replies (14) Good night (8796) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
  Replies (47) Good night (11057) Bad night (1912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network. http://tfl.nu/mmjy
  Replies (44) Good night (2462) Bad night (4380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2112) Bad night (9680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving' http://tfl.nu/j3uq
  Replies (25) Good night (3542) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off. http://tfl.nu/9btz
  Replies (26) Good night (5911) Bad night (1609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex http://tfl.nu/9dx2
  Replies (17) Good night (5320) Bad night (1361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old http://tfl.nu/y7b8
  Replies (23) Good night (1573) Bad night (6444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (86) Good night (13615) Bad night (2319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out? http://tfl.nu/cfeo
  Replies (29) Good night (5714) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places. http://tfl.nu/fel2
  Replies (81) Good night (6483) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo
  Replies (35) Good night (18609) Bad night (1143)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you http://tfl.nu/jkt1
  Replies (20) Good night (4825) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks. http://tfl.nu/ltgr
  Replies (11) Good night (4724) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out" http://tfl.nu/77z0
  Replies (16) Good night (4187) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested. http://tfl.nu/xcij
  Replies (35) Good night (4829) Bad night (1414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears. http://tfl.nu/ziqy
  Replies (31) Good night (7734) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1
  Replies (18) Good night (9396) Bad night (1209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  At least he's a nutritious stoner...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches. (1-402): At least he's a nutritious stoner... http://tfl.nu/2qp4
  Replies (18) Good night (7722) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material. http://tfl.nu/16u9
  Replies (64) Good night (5151) Bad night (2313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up. http://tfl.nu/h2lf
  Replies (23) Good night (7578) Bad night (4487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me. http://tfl.nu/zahg
  Replies (14) Good night (8572) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back. http://tfl.nu/dznq
  Replies (6) Good night (4280) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at. http://tfl.nu/ro5c
  Replies (11) Good night (5595) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period. http://tfl.nu/d1q3
  Replies (7) Good night (4708) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom? http://tfl.nu/5x0x
  Replies (48) Good night (5922) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason. http://tfl.nu/7b14
  Replies (12) Good night (3335) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
  Replies (21) Good night (6620) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something" http://tfl.nu/rcyf
  Replies (26) Good night (7049) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial. http://tfl.nu/6p87
  Replies (49) Good night (6085) Bad night (2501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj
  Replies (27) Good night (8058) Bad night (1282)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13970) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink. http://tfl.nu/upl9
  Replies (29) Good night (4386) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi http://tfl.nu/kis8
  Replies (28) Good night (4197) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  get to allyx's house asap

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Ok is everything ok

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Yeah, theres just lesbians

  (312): View more from Illinois

  omg yes on my way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): get to allyx's house asap (312): Ok is everything ok (224): Yeah, theres just lesbians (312): omg yes on my way http://tfl.nu/mxwb
  Replies (38) Good night (6480) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name. http://tfl.nu/4teg
  Replies (13) Good night (6028) Bad night (1864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other. http://tfl.nu/nigv
  Replies (29) Good night (6458) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive. http://tfl.nu/w5b0
  Replies (22) Good night (2880) Bad night (5375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student... http://tfl.nu/ab9h
  Replies (25) Good night (5642) Bad night (1497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint (203): i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you http://tfl.nu/509n
  Replies (10) Good night (4826) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love. http://tfl.nu/9dmy
  Replies (37) Good night (4560) Bad night (2503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle.. http://tfl.nu/lwyr
  Replies (15) Good night (8071) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have. http://tfl.nu/pc4d
  Replies (30) Good night (2580) Bad night (7223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma http://tfl.nu/40s8
  Replies (8) Good night (968) Bad night (3302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life http://tfl.nu/8goj
  Replies (18) Good night (4371) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it. http://tfl.nu/0dlq
  Replies (27) Good night (4664) Bad night (1341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into. http://tfl.nu/bckk
  Replies (14) Good night (2760) Bad night (1584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you http://tfl.nu/p9k4
  Replies (12) Good night (5069) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends http://tfl.nu/aaz6
  Replies (40) Good night (1944) Bad night (5742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Whats the count minus fat chicks?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Whats the count minus fat chicks? http://tfl.nu/9ldi
  Replies (28) Good night (989) Bad night (3576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues. http://tfl.nu/n3ga
  Replies (13) Good night (4266) Bad night (1268)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12061) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking

  (404): View more from Georgia

  how did that work out?

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking (404): how did that work out? (478): Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder... http://tfl.nu/o1yp
  Replies (15) Good night (4949) Bad night (1304)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished. http://tfl.nu/ezge
  Replies (33) Good night (5175) Bad night (2062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air. http://tfl.nu/d5pp
  Replies (10) Good night (4183) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y
  Replies (18) Good night (3907) Bad night (2234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time (1-309): I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating http://tfl.nu/74eg
  Replies (21) Good night (4639) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce http://tfl.nu/xuim
  Replies (32) Good night (3879) Bad night (1647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span. http://tfl.nu/rd54
  Replies (34) Good night (6403) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!" http://tfl.nu/yfbj
  Replies (19) Good night (6106) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market http://tfl.nu/5w22
  Replies (7) Good night (3445) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me. http://tfl.nu/s4ft
  Replies (35) Good night (6736) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (50) Good night (12900) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get http://tfl.nu/ews4
  Replies (61) Good night (4684) Bad night (1249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds http://tfl.nu/9fcs
  Replies (19) Good night (1310) Bad night (4260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore" http://tfl.nu/cs3y
  Replies (16) Good night (4684) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick http://tfl.nu/wixt
  Replies (25) Good night (4212) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too. http://tfl.nu/itca
  Replies (14) Good night (3930) Bad night (2077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9197) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.' http://tfl.nu/uc3v
  Replies (23) Good night (4537) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex (1-614): You and your mom would make an amazing tag team http://tfl.nu/l8wh
  Replies (23) Good night (7606) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs. http://tfl.nu/y8sy
  Replies (23) Good night (2002) Bad night (4265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law. http://tfl.nu/4onk
  Replies (13) Good night (5741) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  Perfectly normal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?" (1-440): Perfectly normal. http://tfl.nu/lsmy
  Replies (14) Good night (6140) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs
  Replies (39) Good night (10643) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (35) Good night (14541) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
  Replies (22) Good night (4340) Bad night (1881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night. http://tfl.nu/nh7e
  Replies (20) Good night (4136) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon. http://tfl.nu/zm69
  Replies (34) Good night (7826) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The panties match.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I'll be right there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The panties match. (1-847): I'll be right there. http://tfl.nu/jbhz
  Replies (35) Good night (5633) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats. http://tfl.nu/6vwk
  Replies (64) Good night (4925) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty. http://tfl.nu/vy3j
  Replies (78) Good night (9751) Bad night (2570)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused. http://tfl.nu/4oz4
  Replies (9) Good night (5044) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/xv3v
  Replies (30) Good night (3636) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag. http://tfl.nu/1x8m
  Replies (19) Good night (1132) Bad night (4951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw
  Replies (38) Good night (10463) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer. http://tfl.nu/0wtr
  Replies (20) Good night (3605) Bad night (2140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you" http://tfl.nu/sv8k
  Replies (41) Good night (4139) Bad night (8413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+47): View more from Norway

  i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+47): i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls http://tfl.nu/1fkx
  Replies (48) Good night (10100) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want http://tfl.nu/m1hp
  Replies (39) Good night (6691) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/99g1
  Replies (78) Good night (13556) Bad night (1907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t
  Replies (24) Good night (7292) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants. http://tfl.nu/uu5r
  Replies (16) Good night (4745) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me http://tfl.nu/rrqt
  Replies (23) Good night (6250) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you still have morals?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs
  Replies (45) Good night (9116) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (6484) Bad night (5107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

  (714): View more from California

  he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot
  Replies (43) Good night (4305) Bad night (7974)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!" http://tfl.nu/qrwa
  Replies (44) Good night (7850) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (8740) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (5963) Bad night (11499)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard. http://tfl.nu/weqf
  Replies (42) Good night (5921) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
  Replies (33) Good night (5358) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8587) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny. (905): Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night. http://tfl.nu/j8pa
  Replies (13) Good night (4062) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Don't worry. I has chaperone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Don't worry. I has chaperone. http://tfl.nu/r0c5
  Replies (24) Good night (5692) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (36) Good night (9304) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
  Replies (20) Good night (9669) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk http://tfl.nu/i7vt
  Replies (44) Good night (5316) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0btw
  Replies (13) Good night (8361) Bad night (714)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable. http://tfl.nu/afg8
  Replies (10) Good night (4962) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy http://tfl.nu/g7o4
  Replies (12) Good night (3928) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go http://tfl.nu/d1mz
  Replies (15) Good night (4886) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana." http://tfl.nu/t5zw
  Replies (35) Good night (1434) Bad night (3822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever http://tfl.nu/2bk7
  Replies (28) Good night (4516) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (22) Good night (6074) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator http://tfl.nu/bsby
  Replies (21) Good night (6868) Bad night (1192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar http://tfl.nu/9kou
  Replies (39) Good night (6083) Bad night (2523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit? http://tfl.nu/kt2r
  Replies (24) Good night (6972) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  so you admit it was good then??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600. (1-337): so you admit it was good then?? http://tfl.nu/xl9i
  Replies (26) Good night (8216) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement. http://tfl.nu/rfma
  Replies (25) Good night (9126) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics http://tfl.nu/o0a3
  Replies (21) Good night (6006) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old http://tfl.nu/b9xq
  Replies (33) Good night (8025) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants. (401): Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean. http://tfl.nu/96j7
  Replies (29) Good night (5779) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/mefj
  Replies (38) Good night (7207) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11087) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass http://tfl.nu/ur9n
  Replies (14) Good night (4560) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER. http://tfl.nu/3m46
  Replies (23) Good night (1917) Bad night (3457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Why are you covered in frosting?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy. http://tfl.nu/9hct
  Replies (24) Good night (6036) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq
  Replies (52) Good night (10883) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing http://tfl.nu/l66q
  Replies (17) Good night (5722) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet. http://tfl.nu/fy09
  Replies (16) Good night (6021) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (34) Good night (6166) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now http://tfl.nu/rdt3
  Replies (23) Good night (3776) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night http://tfl.nu/jwrk
  Replies (14) Good night (4318) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with? http://tfl.nu/yzo8
  Replies (56) Good night (837) Bad night (5557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college. http://tfl.nu/tulo
  Replies (39) Good night (6104) Bad night (1207) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember. http://tfl.nu/upty
  Replies (18) Good night (3915) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): come over i need a lifeguard for my shower http://tfl.nu/1qns
  Replies (29) Good night (9240) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night http://tfl.nu/9u90
  Replies (13) Good night (5955) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX" http://tfl.nu/a1ku
  Replies (20) Good night (1332) Bad night (5238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
  Replies (32) Good night (10505) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order. http://tfl.nu/vb6g
  Replies (23) Good night (4757) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie. http://tfl.nu/eug9
  Replies (19) Good night (5402) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with. http://tfl.nu/07fq
  Replies (158) Good night (2154) Bad night (11937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (268) Good night (3335) Bad night (66315)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70167)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better http://tfl.nu/pitl
  Replies (42) Good night (7178) Bad night (1809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (67) Good night (17225) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows. http://tfl.nu/2kv7
  Replies (17) Good night (4356) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs http://tfl.nu/06cn
  Replies (32) Good night (1569) Bad night (3417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e
  Replies (40) Good night (15942) Bad night (1893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out. http://tfl.nu/n9rj
  Replies (17) Good night (5730) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged. http://tfl.nu/p1l3
  Replies (31) Good night (7227) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell http://tfl.nu/jfse
  Replies (17) Good night (5476) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head. http://tfl.nu/p8jq
  Replies (20) Good night (1132) Bad night (4050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (85) Good night (2634) Bad night (14477)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16391) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed http://tfl.nu/wvyq
  Replies (59) Good night (12449) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat' http://tfl.nu/0g9k
  Replies (12) Good night (1107) Bad night (3608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion. http://tfl.nu/1y37
  Replies (23) Good night (4931) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

  (510): View more from California

  big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0
  Replies (11) Good night (6106) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though http://tfl.nu/r22j
  Replies (8) Good night (5654) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job http://tfl.nu/ki5a
  Replies (45) Good night (4365) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (16) Good night (8121) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands http://tfl.nu/eruj
  Replies (12) Good night (2691) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you http://tfl.nu/ohu0
  Replies (12) Good night (5039) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run." http://tfl.nu/6vvj
  Replies (17) Good night (6608) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break. http://tfl.nu/5pkx
  Replies (21) Good night (2920) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money. http://tfl.nu/foav
  Replies (15) Good night (4553) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex". http://tfl.nu/cd1v
  Replies (40) Good night (18650) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (49) Good night (14396) Bad night (3326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (16028) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I wish I had a frozen water bed.

  (253): View more from Washington

  best. idea. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I wish I had a frozen water bed. (253): best. idea. ever. http://tfl.nu/r1w7
  Replies (58) Good night (5441) Bad night (1746)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful? http://tfl.nu/v0si
  Replies (11) Good night (3075) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed. http://tfl.nu/4z6k
  Replies (26) Good night (8065) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (9703) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why. http://tfl.nu/9zaj
  Replies (12) Good night (4824) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do http://tfl.nu/o1hg
  Replies (35) Good night (9020) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it http://tfl.nu/9xaf
  Replies (34) Good night (6701) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom. http://tfl.nu/em4c
  Replies (16) Good night (6164) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo http://tfl.nu/loae
  Replies (18) Good night (9482) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days http://tfl.nu/ngst
  Replies (21) Good night (9547) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot http://tfl.nu/gw1u
  Replies (366) Good night (1574) Bad night (51717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7556) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas? http://tfl.nu/mq53
  Replies (15) Good night (5794) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5
  Replies (137) Good night (6711) Bad night (1422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college http://tfl.nu/i5zk
  Replies (27) Good night (5832) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up. http://tfl.nu/glqa
  Replies (23) Good night (4165) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex http://tfl.nu/v3ok
  Replies (25) Good night (5553) Bad night (1497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. http://tfl.nu/aaag
  Replies (16) Good night (5012) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (10880) Bad night (2110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option. http://tfl.nu/dknj
  Replies (22) Good night (5959) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube. (1-410): I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds. http://tfl.nu/szhm
  Replies (13) Good night (4527) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62675) Bad night (2952)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76748) Bad night (3808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/fztn
  Replies (98) Good night (3997) Bad night (52306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick. http://tfl.nu/lewu
  Replies (254) Good night (3817) Bad night (77577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  No thats like a top 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night? (1-918): No thats like a top 10 http://tfl.nu/uawo
  Replies (34) Good night (6271) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping? http://tfl.nu/hbh2
  Replies (5) Good night (3562) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name? http://tfl.nu/6xxw
  Replies (10) Good night (4257) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker http://tfl.nu/il1k
  Replies (15) Good night (6009) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me http://tfl.nu/kwsp
  Replies (9) Good night (7072) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances http://tfl.nu/ijjs
  Replies (28) Good night (6989) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): 2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out. http://tfl.nu/1knp
  Replies (26) Good night (7047) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11422) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night. http://tfl.nu/9abu
  Replies (27) Good night (4841) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are you still giving blowjobs?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are you still giving blowjobs? (1-850): Who is this? http://tfl.nu/iq9v
  Replies (29) Good night (9241) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew http://tfl.nu/fmsn
  Replies (16) Good night (6969) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat. http://tfl.nu/8r9j
  Replies (32) Good night (984) Bad night (6916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one. http://tfl.nu/lrzn
  Replies (9) Good night (6657) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (6996) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job

  (917): View more from New York City

  You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job (917): You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth. http://tfl.nu/dvgd
  Replies (15) Good night (5517) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/1jen
  Replies (12) Good night (6716) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

  (714): View more from California

  Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj
  Replies (37) Good night (9276) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.

  (409): View more from Texas

  That was definitely the right answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her. (409): That was definitely the right answer. http://tfl.nu/zisl
  Replies (19) Good night (6345) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways. http://tfl.nu/hzks
  Replies (25) Good night (4867) Bad night (1375)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina. (614): Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money http://tfl.nu/rx4e
  Replies (27) Good night (6421) Bad night (1112)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  that was a mass text, wasnt it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared. (1-303): that was a mass text, wasnt it? http://tfl.nu/9i1u
  Replies (22) Good night (6745) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (8724) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
  Replies (37) Good night (12208) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job http://tfl.nu/jdmg
  Replies (21) Good night (3344) Bad night (1934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature. http://tfl.nu/rbpc
  Replies (46) Good night (6130) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened. http://tfl.nu/4exz
  Replies (23) Good night (6113) Bad night (2524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (10762) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (15547) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (15595) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (26) Good night (15627) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14045) Bad night (1411)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31293) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
  Replies (98) Good night (32302) Bad night (3093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34730) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44049) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48655) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now. http://tfl.nu/zv6d
  Replies (6) Good night (5488) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night. http://tfl.nu/kc82
  Replies (6) Good night (3453) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal? http://tfl.nu/acjy
  Replies (12) Good night (3842) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material. http://tfl.nu/ws01
  Replies (13) Good night (4143) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision http://tfl.nu/741x
  Replies (12) Good night (6452) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing. http://tfl.nu/a3a6
  Replies (19) Good night (4345) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is http://tfl.nu/ce5u
  Replies (16) Good night (4889) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would. http://tfl.nu/dwd2
  Replies (7) Good night (4849) Bad night (2159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes. http://tfl.nu/56a9
  Replies (19) Good night (8552) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces. http://tfl.nu/5w4e
  Replies (16) Good night (6528) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette. http://tfl.nu/u0k7
  Replies (30) Good night (6786) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (38) Good night (13934) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity... http://tfl.nu/ueq6
  Replies (32) Good night (6456) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (5775) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job. http://tfl.nu/3lp9
  Replies (13) Good night (5392) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob http://tfl.nu/rxex
  Replies (22) Good night (730) Bad night (11229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2 (908): Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked? http://tfl.nu/yka4
  Replies (14) Good night (4972) Bad night (1645)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly. http://tfl.nu/dwqa
  Replies (57) Good night (1204) Bad night (13911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (12478) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Whoa, Gary Coleman died

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Whatchu talkin bout?!?!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Too soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Whoa, Gary Coleman died (224): Whatchu talkin bout?!?! (847): Too soon. http://tfl.nu/36gw
  Replies (49) Good night (6681) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night. http://tfl.nu/s4kw
  Replies (11) Good night (3204) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins. http://tfl.nu/lj1p
  Replies (19) Good night (5055) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it. http://tfl.nu/tda5
  Replies (10) Good night (5902) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will. http://tfl.nu/52i2
  Replies (11) Good night (3433) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle http://tfl.nu/572m
  Replies (9) Good night (4861) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high. http://tfl.nu/38z6
  Replies (24) Good night (4087) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis http://tfl.nu/8w9k
  Replies (81) Good night (10731) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in http://tfl.nu/g0n5
  Replies (12) Good night (3108) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle http://tfl.nu/2q09
  Replies (13) Good night (880) Bad night (3423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila http://tfl.nu/e6je
  Replies (19) Good night (690) Bad night (5414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job??? http://tfl.nu/mo3e
  Replies (32) Good night (876) Bad night (3731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look http://tfl.nu/dski
  Replies (17) Good night (4468) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Because ur a stupid bitch

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk
  Replies (54) Good night (10788) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat? http://tfl.nu/hd1u
  Replies (56) Good night (6578) Bad night (1719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her http://tfl.nu/ofex
  Replies (65) Good night (13084) Bad night (2310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens. http://tfl.nu/pxin
  Replies (31) Good night (10893) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast. (1-401): And you thought you were going to hell last weekend. http://tfl.nu/thro
  Replies (14) Good night (5643) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me http://tfl.nu/jvjy
  Replies (19) Good night (7936) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me http://tfl.nu/rey7
  Replies (22) Good night (6352) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie

  (420): View more from

  your the best winggirl ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie (420): your the best winggirl ever http://tfl.nu/bhih
  Replies (34) Good night (12386) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I forgot about that,good spring break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild" (773): I forgot about that,good spring break. http://tfl.nu/09xy
  Replies (16) Good night (5820) Bad night (1016)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bring money and cleavage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): bring money and cleavage http://tfl.nu/w9ou
  Replies (20) Good night (5742) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud. http://tfl.nu/ruob
  Replies (32) Good night (6748) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Stop introducing me to people as your little sister. (1-662): I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother. http://tfl.nu/5xkr
  Replies (31) Good night (7482) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point. http://tfl.nu/67dv
  Replies (9) Good night (3718) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/o3ef
  Replies (18) Good night (7108) Bad night (1448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester http://tfl.nu/0tku
  Replies (20) Good night (3940) Bad night (1990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/utqj
  Replies (35) Good night (7672) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ..i think i can hear you losing your virginity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): ..i think i can hear you losing your virginity http://tfl.nu/nv6r
  Replies (17) Good night (7787) Bad night (1268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/fg6t
  Replies (13) Good night (6310) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual. http://tfl.nu/myfw
  Replies (23) Good night (5362) Bad night (1515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life' http://tfl.nu/863e
  Replies (26) Good night (6564) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..

  (1-619): View more from California

  I am not bailing you of of jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now.. (1-619): I am not bailing you of of jail http://tfl.nu/exjk
  Replies (19) Good night (5954) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up http://tfl.nu/umx5
  Replies (15) Good night (677) Bad night (4100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive http://tfl.nu/u57a
  Replies (13) Good night (4277) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this? http://tfl.nu/o9lt
  Replies (37) Good night (12806) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow http://tfl.nu/mex5
  Replies (66) Good night (8025) Bad night (1674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (52) Good night (10134) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (4701) Bad night (2973)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone? http://tfl.nu/1eib
  Replies (9) Good night (4885) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6004) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/k011
  Replies (34) Good night (7275) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light. http://tfl.nu/psre
  Replies (19) Good night (3560) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories http://tfl.nu/4m9s
  Replies (23) Good night (820) Bad night (4040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj
  Replies (63) Good night (11094) Bad night (1660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop http://tfl.nu/2wez
  Replies (21) Good night (6136) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/ukhl
  Replies (10) Good night (6214) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (8751) Bad night (4034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes http://tfl.nu/ouc0
  Replies (12) Good night (4562) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context. http://tfl.nu/nfjx
  Replies (26) Good night (5836) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat. http://tfl.nu/4rv6
  Replies (9) Good night (7980) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  It was the best sex i've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): That was the scariest sex i've ever heard.... (1-540): It was the best sex i've ever had. http://tfl.nu/k8p9
  Replies (13) Good night (7372) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ill be there in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife. (847): ill be there in 5. http://tfl.nu/y9p2
  Replies (26) Good night (8323) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson. http://tfl.nu/vrgn
  Replies (19) Good night (4631) Bad night (1735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza http://tfl.nu/44q3
  Replies (24) Good night (6200) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (14973) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"? http://tfl.nu/qjxq
  Replies (7) Good night (4026) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win. http://tfl.nu/bjq4
  Replies (17) Good night (8573) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that. http://tfl.nu/38s6
  Replies (22) Good night (6977) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin. http://tfl.nu/wbej
  Replies (24) Good night (1586) Bad night (6437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za
  Replies (62) Good night (10246) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was. http://tfl.nu/ift5
  Replies (16) Good night (5658) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Best. Four. Twenty. Ever. http://tfl.nu/cry0
  Replies (42) Good night (6060) Bad night (1357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick http://tfl.nu/4tuf
  Replies (35) Good night (7254) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now http://tfl.nu/173b
  Replies (25) Good night (8475) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas? http://tfl.nu/io06
  Replies (35) Good night (6711) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes" http://tfl.nu/m7wu
  Replies (13) Good night (7299) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick.. http://tfl.nu/tonx
  Replies (23) Good night (6134) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  why weren't you at the audition last night?

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  booty call before role call

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): why weren't you at the audition last night? (1-804): booty call before role call http://tfl.nu/sna4
  Replies (17) Good night (4862) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas http://tfl.nu/cueg
  Replies (56) Good night (4663) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam. http://tfl.nu/gz4d
  Replies (23) Good night (11110) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession? http://tfl.nu/ohzs
  Replies (50) Good night (5990) Bad night (1672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"

  (616): View more from Michigan

  He did it well too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): His pickup line was "I'll eat you out" (616): He did it well too http://tfl.nu/h6lm
  Replies (57) Good night (8488) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming http://tfl.nu/d5m0
  Replies (34) Good night (3855) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  that was a gay-test. you passed.

  (1-562): View more from California

  with flying rainbow colors i hope!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): that was a gay-test. you passed. (1-562): with flying rainbow colors i hope! http://tfl.nu/yxlu
  Replies (13) Good night (3506) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol http://tfl.nu/lm4w
  Replies (8) Good night (2225) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"? http://tfl.nu/cjp8
  Replies (7) Good night (688) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (64) Good night (24096) Bad night (2348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again http://tfl.nu/ofmm
  Replies (37) Good night (7208) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal. http://tfl.nu/vbhe
  Replies (24) Good night (7492) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun http://tfl.nu/05t6
  Replies (15) Good night (6825) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?" http://tfl.nu/g36q
  Replies (14) Good night (5601) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe. http://tfl.nu/6izf
  Replies (17) Good night (3908) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (8612) Bad night (1652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city http://tfl.nu/k6ti
  Replies (38) Good night (11524) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup. http://tfl.nu/qouj
  Replies (20) Good night (6379) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
  Replies (29) Good night (7277) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar. http://tfl.nu/rlky
  Replies (9) Good night (3710) Bad night (1995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost. http://tfl.nu/3w08
  Replies (9) Good night (3813) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse. http://tfl.nu/4gmt
  Replies (35) Good night (9634) Bad night (2806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Playoffs. This shit is serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight. (440): I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over. (248): Playoffs. This shit is serious. http://tfl.nu/txqi
  Replies (59) Good night (6471) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (7783) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity. http://tfl.nu/th3j
  Replies (24) Good night (6954) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out http://tfl.nu/dfjh
  Replies (20) Good night (5505) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful. http://tfl.nu/9blw
  Replies (15) Good night (1900) Bad night (4310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops. http://tfl.nu/42cm
  Replies (12) Good night (5612) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8178) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount. http://tfl.nu/7zsg
  Replies (21) Good night (6247) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts. http://tfl.nu/rew4
  Replies (24) Good night (747) Bad night (5149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover. http://tfl.nu/klzl
  Replies (20) Good night (5986) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+47): View more from Norway

  I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+47): I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian http://tfl.nu/2tom
  Replies (21) Good night (4893) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting. http://tfl.nu/31wc
  Replies (14) Good night (5574) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos http://tfl.nu/9f8x
  Replies (11) Good night (5203) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed" http://tfl.nu/g8fj
  Replies (22) Good night (2329) Bad night (4608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me. http://tfl.nu/l22j
  Replies (11) Good night (4545) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year. http://tfl.nu/fhgz
  Replies (19) Good night (5554) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game http://tfl.nu/wh7c
  Replies (10) Good night (4239) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever. http://tfl.nu/15o8
  Replies (18) Good night (7073) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store? http://tfl.nu/4sw9
  Replies (24) Good night (5515) Bad night (1374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire. http://tfl.nu/37qo
  Replies (30) Good night (15018) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed http://tfl.nu/1ijl
  Replies (13) Good night (4908) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again http://tfl.nu/gd8v
  Replies (15) Good night (4371) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions http://tfl.nu/7b2z
  Replies (14) Good night (2277) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm laying in your front yard are you home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I'm laying in your front yard are you home http://tfl.nu/8whw
  Replies (4) Good night (1095) Bad night (260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel. http://tfl.nu/sip1
  Replies (41) Good night (3732) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation. http://tfl.nu/zdno
  Replies (27) Good night (7564) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high? http://tfl.nu/v2jv
  Replies (29) Good night (3859) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding. http://tfl.nu/d3lt
  Replies (25) Good night (5759) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (41) Good night (19103) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now. http://tfl.nu/m857
  Replies (12) Good night (4184) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"? http://tfl.nu/lhgh
  Replies (20) Good night (3616) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  dude, osama threatened the US again

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  dude. i slept with your sister last night

  (847): View more from Illinois

  what?

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): dude, osama threatened the US again (1-847): dude. i slept with your sister last night (847): what? (1-847) I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news http://tfl.nu/r4dc
  Replies (26) Good night (4891) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night? http://tfl.nu/z8ke
  Replies (22) Good night (8364) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  guess who has a date tonight

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): guess who has a date tonight (401): look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed http://tfl.nu/0667
  Replies (25) Good night (6662) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips? http://tfl.nu/n3qx
  Replies (19) Good night (3033) Bad night (3169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement. http://tfl.nu/3rgn
  Replies (25) Good night (4591) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better. http://tfl.nu/c7ty
  Replies (23) Good night (9334) Bad night (1948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head. http://tfl.nu/x66l
  Replies (20) Good night (7442) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave

  (703): View more from Virginia

  and miss being on the news....no way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave (703): and miss being on the news....no way http://tfl.nu/gtrx
  Replies (21) Good night (8304) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Jealous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls. (573): Jealous. http://tfl.nu/6b8u
  Replies (9) Good night (3504) Bad night (1460)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier http://tfl.nu/xjeu
  Replies (6) Good night (7593) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet. http://tfl.nu/nzku
  Replies (16) Good night (4639) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.

  (1-631): View more from New York

  I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified. (1-631): I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes. http://tfl.nu/l5ui
  Replies (50) Good night (6506) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems http://tfl.nu/1roz
  Replies (34) Good night (3734) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT http://tfl.nu/f0p2
  Replies (20) Good night (4881) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober. http://tfl.nu/95jv
  Replies (13) Good night (3709) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (41) Good night (10354) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in http://tfl.nu/1vzn
  Replies (17) Good night (5886) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (39) Good night (11795) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head. http://tfl.nu/3prw
  Replies (45) Good night (10000) Bad night (3891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  Seriously?

  (305): View more from Florida

  100%

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox? (1-305): Seriously? (305): 100% http://tfl.nu/w2fu
  Replies (15) Good night (6403) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice. http://tfl.nu/qyuj
  Replies (7) Good night (5730) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"

  (206): View more from Washington

  do it. it's every man's dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?" (206): do it. it's every man's dream. http://tfl.nu/a31t
  Replies (28) Good night (6769) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better. http://tfl.nu/qcgw
  Replies (79) Good night (3606) Bad night (7337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too. http://tfl.nu/2o1v
  Replies (16) Good night (4206) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that. http://tfl.nu/wccj
  Replies (11) Good night (5068) Bad night (2043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder. http://tfl.nu/f12p
  Replies (21) Good night (9037) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won http://tfl.nu/atk6
  Replies (30) Good night (12844) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere. (602): Why would he say turtle mid-fuck? http://tfl.nu/okxi
  Replies (17) Good night (5420) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/hs1z
  Replies (32) Good night (7095) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before... http://tfl.nu/0j29
  Replies (23) Good night (5869) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life. http://tfl.nu/zt1o
  Replies (21) Good night (2104) Bad night (4560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing http://tfl.nu/99kd
  Replies (17) Good night (10280) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/rgow
  Replies (19) Good night (5171) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared" http://tfl.nu/f1ec
  Replies (19) Good night (5574) Bad night (2381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that http://tfl.nu/ubil
  Replies (37) Good night (1952) Bad night (6170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex http://tfl.nu/zw16
  Replies (7) Good night (4364) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9
  Replies (19) Good night (6082) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/e0xw
  Replies (57) Good night (3579) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there. http://tfl.nu/oh3e
  Replies (19) Good night (4127) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree http://tfl.nu/oe6w
  Replies (32) Good night (7625) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

  (917): View more from New York City

  what kind of party is this?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the best kind ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home? (917): what kind of party is this? (610): the best kind ever http://tfl.nu/ib1r
  Replies (22) Good night (7547) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go. http://tfl.nu/47sp
  Replies (18) Good night (5107) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen. http://tfl.nu/slj5
  Replies (22) Good night (6775) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing http://tfl.nu/n0bj
  Replies (28) Good night (5785) Bad night (1460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh http://tfl.nu/x346
  Replies (29) Good night (9785) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf http://tfl.nu/oxnj
  Replies (22) Good night (6974) Bad night (1354)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number. http://tfl.nu/ol2r
  Replies (19) Good night (6688) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him http://tfl.nu/38fg
  Replies (6) Good night (4012) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise? http://tfl.nu/0r1q
  Replies (25) Good night (6614) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost? http://tfl.nu/osjc
  Replies (21) Good night (2551) Bad night (6451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome. http://tfl.nu/kpah
  Replies (18) Good night (5740) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes. http://tfl.nu/xws1
  Replies (47) Good night (4465) Bad night (1334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet. http://tfl.nu/uotm
  Replies (36) Good night (1306) Bad night (8109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/j38h
  Replies (25) Good night (4196) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's a girl!!

  (614): View more from Ohio

  That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): it's a girl!! (614): That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years http://tfl.nu/ln73
  Replies (30) Good night (6254) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too. http://tfl.nu/hrck
  Replies (26) Good night (4304) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  doesn't he have a girlfriend???

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  yeah...who do you think woke us up...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed! (985): doesn't he have a girlfriend??? (504): yeah...who do you think woke us up... http://tfl.nu/43kf
  Replies (21) Good night (561) Bad night (1481)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy? http://tfl.nu/1eeo
  Replies (33) Good night (4582) Bad night (1953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u sound so gay right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me. (978): u sound so gay right now http://tfl.nu/zm49
  Replies (34) Good night (6641) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again... http://tfl.nu/fuha
  Replies (13) Good night (7095) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note. http://tfl.nu/4rpl
  Replies (47) Good night (13184) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
  Replies (45) Good night (18503) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber" http://tfl.nu/jvct
  Replies (48) Good night (8959) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10339) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this. http://tfl.nu/6gzz
  Replies (9) Good night (5663) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her http://tfl.nu/s6o1
  Replies (42) Good night (7521) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed http://tfl.nu/zklq
  Replies (12) Good night (6137) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple http://tfl.nu/4e1c
  Replies (19) Good night (9529) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze http://tfl.nu/vupv
  Replies (14) Good night (5286) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He was trying to put me in handcuffs.

  (1-662): View more from Mississippi

  You have my attention.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I scissor kicked a one legged man last night. (662): He was trying to put me in handcuffs. (1-662): You have my attention. http://tfl.nu/abr0
  Replies (23) Good night (1570) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... What happend then?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating" (678): So... What happend then? (404): We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM. http://tfl.nu/3t62
  Replies (49) Good night (10750) Bad night (2189)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him. http://tfl.nu/iiv7
  Replies (15) Good night (7815) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave http://tfl.nu/oh8m
  Replies (36) Good night (7182) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste. http://tfl.nu/3anp
  Replies (21) Good night (4554) Bad night (1512)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like http://tfl.nu/ol8k
  Replies (72) Good night (12119) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie http://tfl.nu/y2j0
  Replies (17) Good night (4282) Bad night (1629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (430) Good night (52071) Bad night (5861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  That's the best idea I've heard all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls. (1-248): That's the best idea I've heard all day. http://tfl.nu/w1qi
  Replies (30) Good night (8666) Bad night (2307)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it. http://tfl.nu/dx0b
  Replies (4) Good night (2917) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy http://tfl.nu/0d9q
  Replies (19) Good night (2469) Bad night (456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small. http://tfl.nu/i072
  Replies (47) Good night (3987) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down. http://tfl.nu/bwrh
  Replies (17) Good night (6382) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough. http://tfl.nu/yln2
  Replies (120) Good night (7732) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): kindergarten is hard when you're hung over. http://tfl.nu/68v6
  Replies (23) Good night (5015) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with http://tfl.nu/jobl
  Replies (81) Good night (2201) Bad night (1870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much. http://tfl.nu/ll22
  Replies (27) Good night (7147) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (24104) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/oaik
  Replies (47) Good night (8398) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico. http://tfl.nu/ifni
  Replies (32) Good night (5981) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight. http://tfl.nu/b4pp
  Replies (32) Good night (6593) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
  Replies (21) Good night (9755) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
  Replies (30) Good night (9146) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  dude she's married.

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  so? a ring don't cover no holes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): dude she's married. (1-269): so? a ring don't cover no holes. http://tfl.nu/8xdg
  Replies (42) Good night (4701) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.

  (516): View more from New York

  wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!

  (631): View more from New York

  aww shit wrong text.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins. (516): wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?! (631): aww shit wrong text. http://tfl.nu/e9a5
  Replies (8) Good night (1086) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards? http://tfl.nu/fenr
  Replies (9) Good night (1505) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO. http://tfl.nu/pbw8
  Replies (15) Good night (3893) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button http://tfl.nu/86ps
  Replies (22) Good night (7856) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more http://tfl.nu/cvqr
  Replies (5) Good night (2961) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable. http://tfl.nu/i02t
  Replies (3) Good night (2593) Bad night (388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  you guys were way drunker than both of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): you guys were way drunker than both of me http://tfl.nu/x140
  Replies (11) Good night (8954) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter http://tfl.nu/xpn7
  Replies (33) Good night (6090) Bad night (1539)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty. http://tfl.nu/9wi8
  Replies (99) Good night (11814) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl
  Replies (30) Good night (13190) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good. http://tfl.nu/zhbu
  Replies (23) Good night (5452) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation. http://tfl.nu/fvna
  Replies (21) Good night (9477) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (17613) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/98cc
  Replies (9) Good night (5914) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26359) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home http://tfl.nu/dqj3
  Replies (29) Good night (8546) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16134) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it. http://tfl.nu/pgco
  Replies (13) Good night (6461) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate. http://tfl.nu/63ss
  Replies (32) Good night (6443) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some. http://tfl.nu/ntfp
  Replies (12) Good night (947) Bad night (4932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked... http://tfl.nu/ab3l
  Replies (27) Good night (6375) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore. http://tfl.nu/n30o
  Replies (18) Good night (4357) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best. http://tfl.nu/ljti
  Replies (20) Good night (6696) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday' http://tfl.nu/p489
  Replies (62) Good night (2048) Bad night (23432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Best friends brother. Beat that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): Best friends brother. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/zx73
  Replies (91) Good night (6006) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad http://tfl.nu/bnzk
  Replies (74) Good night (11381) Bad night (3083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod http://tfl.nu/2sd3
  Replies (6) Good night (5381) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself. http://tfl.nu/6r98
  Replies (27) Good night (10690) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dont! You were just serving you country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now... (404): Dont! You were just serving you country http://tfl.nu/lcsl
  Replies (70) Good night (6416) Bad night (2065)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this? http://tfl.nu/pvqp
  Replies (43) Good night (4468) Bad night (2016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever. http://tfl.nu/ckan
  Replies (11) Good night (1165) Bad night (6156)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (28) Good night (8773) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (18889) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight. http://tfl.nu/jud2
  Replies (14) Good night (4766) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  what?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn (952): what? (612): i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn http://tfl.nu/vdma
  Replies (29) Good night (7372) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that. http://tfl.nu/isuw
  Replies (31) Good night (4971) Bad night (1913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (24638) Bad night (3946)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm http://tfl.nu/twuk
  Replies (21) Good night (3304) Bad night (4113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk. http://tfl.nu/a04b
  Replies (13) Good night (4644) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8189) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (96) Good night (26071) Bad night (1426)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/kl4h
  Replies (19) Good night (7145) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  Soulmates.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?" (1-301): Soulmates. http://tfl.nu/8tiz
  Replies (28) Good night (4013) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels. http://tfl.nu/hv8u
  Replies (13) Good night (6681) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty. http://tfl.nu/jt5n
  Replies (7) Good night (5674) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
  Replies (25) Good night (19370) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (60) Good night (25207) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil? http://tfl.nu/jfob
  Replies (14) Good night (7255) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal. http://tfl.nu/4nij
  Replies (49) Good night (7033) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (8769) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that. http://tfl.nu/w7w8
  Replies (18) Good night (1778) Bad night (6258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation? http://tfl.nu/jmz5
  Replies (52) Good night (11778) Bad night (2416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (12292) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward... http://tfl.nu/3xfe
  Replies (36) Good night (1078) Bad night (8968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated http://tfl.nu/r9p5
  Replies (11) Good night (5522) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (9815) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas http://tfl.nu/fkrh
  Replies (27) Good night (5704) Bad night (2078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!" http://tfl.nu/kl2h
  Replies (37) Good night (18325) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer? (902): the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka. http://tfl.nu/rxlv
  Replies (16) Good night (9800) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella http://tfl.nu/27sq
  Replies (31) Good night (11893) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x
  Replies (26) Good night (14156) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
  Replies (41) Good night (14119) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me? http://tfl.nu/w4b8
  Replies (15) Good night (6480) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character http://tfl.nu/8uci
  Replies (13) Good night (5857) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building. http://tfl.nu/xm6j
  Replies (12) Good night (9054) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  And that worked?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night. (1-919): And that worked? (919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards. http://tfl.nu/moso
  Replies (68) Good night (12757) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (9902) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue. http://tfl.nu/skao
  Replies (13) Good night (4426) Bad night (3180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car. http://tfl.nu/9e5w
  Replies (18) Good night (4202) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard. http://tfl.nu/kj6h
  Replies (31) Good night (6402) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers http://tfl.nu/ouvx
  Replies (25) Good night (4116) Bad night (1423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party http://tfl.nu/osnp
  Replies (23) Good night (6969) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water... http://tfl.nu/djs2
  Replies (43) Good night (1227) Bad night (6220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were. http://tfl.nu/ckqe
  Replies (52) Good night (1516) Bad night (6770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny http://tfl.nu/a88g
  Replies (17) Good night (6107) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer http://tfl.nu/pk2a
  Replies (12) Good night (3853) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue. http://tfl.nu/w4nd
  Replies (12) Good night (5558) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something? http://tfl.nu/j190
  Replies (27) Good night (7473) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT. http://tfl.nu/lt7f
  Replies (27) Good night (876) Bad night (5887)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25289) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back. http://tfl.nu/ko52
  Replies (13) Good night (5547) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62702) Bad night (3540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was. http://tfl.nu/uuuj
  Replies (14) Good night (1355) Bad night (4925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower. http://tfl.nu/cq6t
  Replies (41) Good night (1187) Bad night (12853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance http://tfl.nu/wpko
  Replies (10) Good night (5994) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store http://tfl.nu/eac9
  Replies (10) Good night (7525) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying. http://tfl.nu/sfs9
  Replies (18) Good night (1365) Bad night (4045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again. http://tfl.nu/1fxb
  Replies (27) Good night (959) Bad night (7274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you http://tfl.nu/82k6
  Replies (6) Good night (4207) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst" http://tfl.nu/u5av
  Replies (16) Good night (7355) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets". http://tfl.nu/hqdk
  Replies (15) Good night (8209) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47516) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos http://tfl.nu/z3bc
  Replies (17) Good night (7634) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown http://tfl.nu/5h35
  Replies (14) Good night (564) Bad night (6215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining http://tfl.nu/2n0l
  Replies (11) Good night (5691) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified. http://tfl.nu/k6t4
  Replies (15) Good night (5336) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad. http://tfl.nu/fiwi
  Replies (43) Good night (1076) Bad night (13801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur
  Replies (15) Good night (8430) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face. http://tfl.nu/s86z
  Replies (46) Good night (5652) Bad night (8276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful http://tfl.nu/3flc
  Replies (30) Good night (6648) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed http://tfl.nu/xgm0
  Replies (43) Good night (1662) Bad night (13474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (8635) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5535) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Stop trying to talk to my friends!!

  (1-845): View more from New York

  then get some ugly ones...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Stop trying to talk to my friends!! (1-845): then get some ugly ones... http://tfl.nu/5xvc
  Replies (18) Good night (5818) Bad night (1288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Do ugly people know they are ugly?

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  The quiet ones do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Do ugly people know they are ugly? (1-202): The quiet ones do. http://tfl.nu/129a
  Replies (25) Good night (1797) Bad night (2032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out. http://tfl.nu/s711
  Replies (21) Good night (1107) Bad night (7119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast. http://tfl.nu/nqf8
  Replies (16) Good night (8806) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk. http://tfl.nu/1top
  Replies (18) Good night (4997) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland? http://tfl.nu/lpb9
  Replies (25) Good night (2692) Bad night (5222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (2553) Bad night (6633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty http://tfl.nu/ybq4
  Replies (19) Good night (889) Bad night (6380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here http://tfl.nu/0qbu
  Replies (12) Good night (5658) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10161) Bad night (2774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts. http://tfl.nu/ixjv
  Replies (634) Good night (4839) Bad night (5778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented. http://tfl.nu/jb6b
  Replies (810) Good night (11920) Bad night (5200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls. (248): no http://tfl.nu/la9c
  Replies (21) Good night (529) Bad night (1355)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again? http://tfl.nu/cny9
  Replies (13) Good night (677) Bad night (5313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught http://tfl.nu/rq68
  Replies (13) Good night (4652) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/yyq8
  Replies (68) Good night (4097) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
  Replies (47) Good night (9564) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Please get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot. (1-919): Please get laid. http://tfl.nu/xffk
  Replies (37) Good night (1581) Bad night (5534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64506) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  God I fucking love America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016... (1-513): God I fucking love America. http://tfl.nu/eses
  Replies (44) Good night (8618) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful? http://tfl.nu/fnv5
  Replies (21) Good night (530) Bad night (5483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho http://tfl.nu/chvf
  Replies (56) Good night (1776) Bad night (14399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69193) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt