he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
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