i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
