shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Send us your Text From Last Night!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Loading more great texts...