I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
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