Texts From Last Night · mike2zero's Favorites

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mike2zero's Favorites Texts:

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat

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(318): View more from Louisiana

FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS

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(408): View more from California

Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight

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