Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
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