She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Loading more great texts...