No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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